New 'Circle of Security' approach to parenting gives children freedom to explore and a safe haven to retreat to, writes Sylvia Thompson
Giving children a secure base from which to explore the world and a safe haven to retreat to when their exploration proves a little scary are the keys to successful parenting, according to Dr Bob Marvin, clinical psychologist and director of the Mary D Ainsworth Child-Parent Attachment Clinic in Charlottesville, Virginia, United States.
Marvin is one of four American psychologists and family therapists who have developed a new approach for professionals working with families in difficulty based on the attachment theories of psychologists John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth.
Called the Circle of Security, it encourages parents to respond to the cues their children give them, whether they be the need for freedom to explore or protection from perceived danger. Marvin is in Ireland this week to train healthcare professionals at the St John of God Lucena Clinic in Rathgar, Dublin and at the HSE in Tullamore, Co Offaly.
He says: "Babies and parents are so adaptable in their development that a lot of research shows even when babies have difficult temperaments or chronic medical conditions, parents can adjust and do a very good job.
"But it is when parents run into real challenges that they have a hard time reading a child's cues or they distort or filter them without responding appropriately to them."
Marvin explains: "There are times when what a child really needs is for the parent to stand by, monitor and only help when it is needed. But there are other times when a child is distressed, in over his head and doesn't know how to handle difficult feelings. Then, this child needs to be soothed and organised in a sort of dance with the mum or dad so that they can co-regulate the child's feelings."
While this "dance" may seem obvious to many parents who instinctively respond to their children's emotional cues for help in times of struggle or freedom in times of discovery, it can be more complex for parents who experienced difficulties in their own childhood.
According to Marvin, parents who grew up in challenging family situations either don't think about it - saying things like "how I was parented hasn't had any impact on how I parent" - or admit to having had a horrible childhood and having made a commitment as a young adult not to allow the same thing to happen to their children.
The difficulty with either of these approaches is that the trauma of their own childhood only fully resurfaces when they have children themselves.
Since the 1990s, the Circle of Security approach has been successful in the US when applied to high-risk groups such as families with a history of poverty and/or violence or children who have come into foster or adoptive care.
Marvin says one of its greatest strengths over traditional family therapy (which often focuses on power structures within families and boundaries or the lack of them) is that it gives parents the chance to see (through videos of them with their children) how they interact with their children and how they can better read their children's emotional cues and respond to their needs. Facilitators are also trained to offer parents the secure base and safe haven that they, in turn, wish to transmit to their children.
"Every parent wants to do their very best for their children and we celebrate the parents who come to us.
"What we have to do is help those who feel particularly challenged so that they don't run away when they experience emotional pain, because it's awfully hard to pay attention and respond appropriately to a child's cues if you are in emotional pain yourself."
Of the four originators of the Circle of Security - Bert Powell, Kent Hoffman, Glen Cooper and Bob Marvin - Marvin was the only one who studied with Mary Ainsworth while she worked at John Hopkins University in Baltimore, Virginia, US.
Powerful quotes from the founders of attachment theory are published on their website (www.circleofsecurity.org ), such as "successful parenting is a principal key to the mental health of the next generation" from John Bowlby, and "my advice to parents is not to miss an opportunity to show affection to their babies" from Mary Ainsworth.
Recent longitudinal studies (ie from birth to adulthood) at the University of Minnesota have also found that secure attachment has served as a protective factor for children whose families have experienced high levels of stressful life events. The stages at which secure attachment was found to be protective was when the child was 12 months and 18 months.
Marvin and his colleagues say there is increasing evidence that an insecure attachment during infancy is a risk factor for conduct disorders, anxiety, depression and other psychiatric and legal problems.
And, finally, just to leave professionals and parents alike something to ponder from this approach to helping families in difficulty: Marvin and his colleagues explicitly inform us all that we do not learn from our experience, we learn from standing back and reflecting on this experience.
• See www.circleofsecurity.org