Men's health: What would you say your partner thinks of you? Does she contemplate you with a sigh of pleasure or a groan of exasperation? If you were spirited away by aliens, would she miss you a little or a lot?
The answers you give to these questions may depend less on your knowledge of your partner than on your attitude towards yourself.
Among the more arresting findings from research into relationships is this: we tend to assume that our partner has the same opinion of us as we have of ourselves.
So if you usually think you're a great fellow, you will tend to assume that your partner also thinks you're a great fellow. But if you think that, actually, you're a bit of a failure, then you will expect her to think the same. Research carried out among couples in the US and Canada has produced a fascinating variation on this theme.
The researchers found that if you're a person with low self-esteem and if you're having difficulties at work, you will assume that your partner thinks worse of you than she does. You will assume this even if she thinks you're great and even if she doesn't know about your work problems.
If your self-esteem is high, this doesn't happen. You can have a bad day at work, but it doesn't affect how you see your relationship with your partner.
What may be happening for people with low self-esteem is that they judge their goodness or badness, and their acceptability, according to how well they do at external things such as work.
The concept of unconditional love has no reality for them. They may be receiving unconditional love from their partner, but they don't really believe in it.
It seems likely, then, that for a person whose esteem is low, that a reprimand from the boss has a much wider effect than it would have on a person whose esteem is high.
What's the effect on the partner? It varies for men and women. If it is the female partner who has low self-esteem coupled with difficulties at work, the husband becomes more dissatisfied with the relationship. This may be because she is more likely to express her negative feelings than to hide them.
If it is the man who has low self-esteem and problems at work, the woman's view of the relationship is unaffected. This may be due to men's tendency to hide their feelings.
It makes you wonder how many people spend long hours at the office, not because the job demands it, but because they would otherwise feel worthless? How many people spend their holidays in a blizzard of phone calls and e-mails for the same reason? Could it be that in some part of their mind they believe this behaviour gives them worth in the eyes of their partner?
The scary point to come out of the research is the extent to which we live in our own little world without necessarily being in touch with reality. There we are, basing our assumptions about our partners on matters which have nothing to do with them at all and of which they may be unaware.
And it's not just people with low self-esteem who are affected. If you have what some researchers call "chronic high self-esteem", you may feel that your partner is absolutely delighted with you while she may already be Googling "divorce in Ireland" behind your back. Mind you, if I was offered the option of suffering from "chronic high self-esteem" I'd take it - the divorce bid might come as a shock, but at least I'd have my self-assurance to fall back on.
All this seems to suggest then, that if you are unhappy with the relationship between yourself and your "significant other", you might at least consider the possibility that the person you are really unhappy with is yourself. Therefore, it's possible that the relationship you most need to improve is the one you're having with yourself.
When you've figured out how to do that, be sure to let me know.
Padraig O'Morain is a journalist and counsellor accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.