Dáil Sketch: With Richard Bruton still bearing the teeth marks from Tuesday's attack in Molesworth Street, Michael McDowell turned up for Leader's Questions looking like a rogue Rottweiler on death row.
He was muzzled for his court appearance. The Taoiseach had to do the talking for him, with the air of a pet owner who feared his beloved mutt might have to be put down. "He'll be gone by six o'clock," quipped Finian McGrath, cruelly.
Mr Ahern sought to downplay Tuesday's incident, patting the Minister on the head and assuring the Opposition that he was basically harmless. Mr Bruton's savaging had been an aberration, born out of exuberance.
Sitting near the Taoiseach, the Rottweiler played his part gamely, trying hard to pass himself off as a Labrador. He gazed up at his master occasionally, his every gesture suggesting loyalty and good nature. Even Richard Bruton, still smarting from the tetanus shots, must have been taken in by the big, trusting eyes.
But Mr McDowell sought to emphasise his playfulness too, laughing at a succession of Opposition barbs. He laughed even when Joe Higgins suggested his behaviour underlined the rashness of closing "the last padded cell in Mountjoy". What a wag, said Mr McDowell's expression, and if he'd had a tail, he would have wagged back.
The contrast with a former minister for justice was striking. From the moment of his arrival - "Here's zero-tolerance," announ- ced FG's Seymour Crawford - John O'Donoghue looked like a man who'd backed all the wrong horses at Cheltenham. His subsequent zero amusement policy climaxed when Pat Rabbitte cited him as a precedent for justice ministers being moved to less strenuous roles.
For his part, Mr McDowell appeared to find the suggestion that he be transferred to the Department of Community, Rural and Gaeltacht Affairs highly amusing (the same could not be said for the incumbent, Éamon Ó Cuív, who was sitting beside him).
Yet even as he laughed, the sight of Mr McDowell's teeth made you nervous. You feared that as the Taoiseach petted him, he might revert to type at any moment and bite Mr Ahern's hand off. The fear grew when the Opposition moved from mere criticism to condescension.
Enda Kenny suggested the Minister's attack on Richard Bruton showed he was "hurting" because of the crime figures. Pat Rabbitte said he was "manifestly overstressed". Mr McDowell refused to rise even to this.
Having already apologised to Mr Bruton and admitted having a sleepless night, he went on to withdraw an earlier slur on the Greens, linking them with the Dublin riots. The lesson for the Opposition is that it may be too much rest that makes Mr McDowell aggressive. The trick is to keep him awake more often.
By the end of Leader's Questions, it was clear the Taoiseach's best friend had had a reprieve. But there was still one small drama left to play out. Before leaving, the Rottweiler trotted across the floor and, assuring Mr Bruton there were no hard feelings, offered him his paw.
