Dáil Sketch: Happy the mutt who dwells in Michael McDowell's house. Jack is his name, as it happens. He is a loyal companion to the Minister and a fixture at constituency clinics, writes Miriam Lord.
They are a devoted couple and share much in common: distinctive markings, buckets of charm, an aggressive streak which must be kept in check, a tendency to get over-excited, an unshakeable sense of their own superiority and, of course, barking.
Lucky Jack. For he lives in Ranelagh, Dublin 4. An oasis of calm during Hallowe'en. Not for him the annual ordeal of the rocket and banger season. He didn't have to spend the best part of two months cowering under the soft furnishings as fireworks exploded nightly in his neighbourhood.
There is nothing Michael wouldn't do for his beloved terrier. Which might explain why the Justice Minister sounded particularly satisfied yesterday when he spoke of the success of his recent legislation banning the use of unlicensed fireworks.
Although we are not suggesting for one moment that he strengthened the law to soothe Jack's nerves.
Not all dogs are born equal, though. The dogs of Dublin Central, for example, who are represented by Labour's Joe Costello. And the dogs of Dublin West, represented by Labour's Joan Burton. Their witching season has been as traumatic as ever.
In the Dáil yesterday Deputy Costello wanted Mr McDowell to admit that his fireworks legislation proved a failure over Halloween.
For example, no vehicles were confiscated, indicating that no Border patrols took place. As far as he was concerned "the usual mayhem" happened around the country. The Department of Justice may have been predicting damp squibs all round, but this was not the case.
"The legislation is a joke," declared Deputy Burton, in full agreement with her colleague from Dublin Central, who said McDowell's fireworks measures turned out to be "a disaster". In Joe Costello's experience, the situation this year was worse than ever before.
The Minister was most surprised to hear this. "This year there has been a dramatic improvement in the situation in relation to fireworks," he informed the Dáil. "Instead of them going off for a month prior to Halloween and for two weeks after." he began, unwittingly lighting the Opposition's fuse.
Totally unlicensed, Joe and Joan exploded, setting off a chain of illegal explosions around them. "The fireworks started in September this year," bellowed Deputy Burton, who does not live in Dublin 4 with a permanent Garda presence at the gate. Most of her colleagues nodded in furious agreement.
"There were some, isolated places," conceded Mr McDowell.
"Isolated?" Joe and Joan exploded again. Not in their experience, or the experience of their deafened constituents and their frightened pets.
Joan was fizzing like a Roman candle. "The fireworks started in early September," she repeated.
And the Minister for Justice and Lawyer who Lives in Ranelagh with Garda Protection looked across, smiled, and replied: "Well, not where I live."
That's all right so.
Fine Gael's Jim O'Keeffe was disgusted. "You're living in a dream world," he snorted.
At least one dog is happy, though.