The ritual of gifting at Christmas is an annual highlight – but it is also a minefield. Spending too much or too little, getting the wrong gift for the wrong person, poor presentation or, worst of all, arriving empty-handed can lead to stress, shame, anxiety, disappointments, resentments, comparisons and envy.
And then there’s the work involved in shopping for gifts on top of all the other preparations for Christmas. It will come as no surprise that the emotional labour and time involved in planning, shopping and wrapping often falls to women. Yet, despite all that, gifting seems to be an essential glue that binds our various relationships together. Even the deliberate practice of non-gifting requires negotiation, or at least an explanation.
We may live in a consumer society but that is not the whole story. The rituals of exchange cannot be reduced to mere transactions, even though that is what advertisers would like us to think. No surprise, then, that the practice of gifting has fascinated anthropologists and sociologists. They have come up with the anxiety-inducing concepts of “relational status” and gift “circuits” that define group boundaries – who’s in and who’s out, essentially. If you’ve ever experienced the shame of being excluded from a gift circuit that you thought you were a member of, you’ll understand exactly how a small oversight can be acutely embarrassing. Gift circuits are a real thing, and to be excluded from it is like being that child in the schoolyard that no one will play with. No wonder that some people can feel especially lonely at Christmas.
Then there is the sheer expense involved. In 2024, the online payments company PayPal reported that the average amount spent on gifts at Christmas in Ireland was €525 even though three-quarters of those who responded to the survey said they valued quality time with friends and family over lavish gifts. Why, then, do we persist in the practice of giving at all, if we just want to hang out with our favourite people to eat four-course meals and go for long walks?
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People get around all this of course – by negotiating sensible, lower-cost and higher quality gifting rituals: Kris Kindle (where, within a gift circuit, you are giving to just one person, chosen at random), pooled gifts, vouchers for “experiences” and putting a ceiling on the amount to be spent. Amid a climate and ecological crisis, we would also do well to remember that Christmas is a time of unprecedented wastefulness. Christmas in Ireland produces a surge of wrapping and cardboard estimated at 100,000 tonnes of extra packaging waste alone, and an increase of 50 per cent in food waste. Online purchases add to the obscene amount of packaging associated with gifting, which is why it is better to shop locally and avoid wrapping paper and decorations with non-recyclable elements, especially glitter, plastic and foil.
[ Uncomfortable conversations about Christmas gifts can make a big differenceOpens in new window ]
We should consider the practice of “mindful gifting”, which takes into account the impact on self, society and the environment. Overspending, pointless gifts and addictive self-gifting are all bad for the giver, never mind the receiver or the environment. A more mindful approach doesn’t require you to stop giving but to do so in a way that involves self-regulation, staying within one’s means and thinking carefully about potential impacts on society and the environment.
[ Oh Christmas tree ... how sustainable are your branches?Opens in new window ]
Christmas is the tip of an iceberg of wasteful systems of production and consumption, often underpinned by exploitative labour practices in countries that produce consumer goods. Many of the products we buy, especially for Christmas, cannot even become obsolete since they have no utility in the first place. Think of prank gifts, plastic toys and Christmas jumpers made from synthetic fibres that cannot be recycled. Look for toys made from materials such as wood, silicone or polycarbonate (used by Lego) as safer alternatives.
Mindful gifting need not be earnest and boring. But it makes no sense to add to the climate chaos just because we must perform important social rituals. Ethical purchases, supporting charities and sustainability should shape our gifting behaviour. Gifting is also an opportunity to support producers of fairly traded chocolate and coffee, or Palestinian olive oil. Aside from avoiding unnecessary waste, gifting could even benefit the environment if we gave it enough thought. Consider native wildflower seed bombs, potted native trees, home-made edibles and handcrafted gifts that are plastic-free and reusable. Such gifts tick the “gift circuit” box but also support local artisans and share wealth in your community.
Sadhbh O’Neill is a climate and environmental researcher
