Socks always had comrades in our house. If you lost a sock, you searched for its comrade. You never looked for its friend, or mate. Wondering if this was a common way of describing socks, I searched the dictionaries, but none of them defined comrade as that elusive second sock.
It’s a comical word for a sock but when you look at the definition, it does make sense. The Cambridge Dictionary defines comrade as a friend, especially one who you have been involved in difficult or dangerous, usually military activities, with. And when you think of pairs of socks marching along in unison, encountering all sorts of sticky situations, then they are comrades. If being forced to house a teenage boy’s foot is not a difficult or dangerous situation for a sock, then I don’t know what is.
Of course, as in any military situation, you will get deserters and socks are not the most loyal of comrades. Many see the washing machine as their sole chance to escape their lives of drudgery. Perhaps they dream of chilling on a veranda overlooking the French Riviera instead of squelching around Leitrim in the rain? Without a thought for their comrade, the sock makes a solo run for it when the washing machine beckons.
As we all know, it never ends well for either sock in this scenario. The deserted sock lies around the house pining for its comrade and hoping for its return. The owner holds out hope for a while, before getting sick of looking at the abandoned sock and decides to put him out of his misery.
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As is the law with missing socks, as soon as you bin one, its comrade returns. The deserted sock may be full of remorse for abandoning its comrade but it’s too late. He has signed his own death warrant. It’s a story as old as time and whoever came up with the idea to describe socks as comrades deserves an award of some sort.
Children can also be good at coming up with excellent ways of describing things and some people believe the world would be an infinitely better place if we let children name everything. May I offer an example? A small person I know recently announced that her foot was sizzling. Now isn’t that a more accurate way of describing pins and needles?
Her brother once excitedly told me about seeing a great story behind his eyes while he slept the night before. Surely a more superior, and lovelier way to describe a dream.
The butterfly has been a flutterby for generations of children and you would be hard pressed to find a better word for the creature. It is best known for doing a lot of fluttering by, and when have you ever heard of it buttering anything?
Cars with no lids are far better than boring old convertibles. And it goes without saying that teardrops should immediately be renamed drops of sad. Nexterday makes more sense than tomorrow, just as lasterday is a better word for yesterday.
But perhaps a favourite one in our house is dogmental – a phrase that describes pre-judging a dog based on your previous experiences with that dog. I am very dogmental when it comes to collies, because I was bitten by a dog twice in my life and on both occasions a cranky collie was the culprit.
The small person who coined that word got so excited by her invention that she submitted it to the Oxford English Dictionary. The dictionary compilers invite the public to submit new words for their approval. Getting your word accepted is a high bar to clear so she would definitely get notions if such an august publication added dogmental to its dictionary.
Coincidentally, the Oxford English Dictionary added getting notions and/or having notions to its database in March, crediting its Irish roots. Of course, you don’t have to do much in Ireland to be accused of getting notions. Wear a pair of sunglasses on your head once and you are half-way there. If you say “uni” instead of university then you have clearly taken full possession of notions.
We Irish also gifted another useful phrase to the rest of the English-speaking world in March, courtesy of the same dictionary. We have a long and storied history of making a hames of things in this country. But now that the Oxford English Dictionary has added the phrase to its list, we can take a break and let the rest of the world get on with making a hames of things.
We’re enriching the global conversation every day. It’s enough to give you notions.