Can you believe it’s that time of year already? Brace yourself for the hordes of hirsute men limbering up to produce the most extravagant facial hair seen since the waiting room for the Game of Thrones auditions.
Movember – the moustache-growing initiative that promotes men’s health – might get a Covid bounce this year, now that people know what their follicles are capable of. The pandemic emboldened some men to throw caution – and their razors – to the wind and grow beards so luxuriant they could house colonies of starlings. So who knows what no-shave November might bring?
But will any of these moustachioed men have the commitment of Valentine Tapley? Back in 1860, the lifelong Democrat declared he would never shave again if the Republican candidate, Abraham Lincoln, were elected US president.
If you are wondering what a 3.8m beard would feel like, wonder no more
Unlike those people who vowed to emigrate if certain presidents were elected, the Missouri farmer actually kept his word. In fairness, he was already sporting a substantial beard when he made the promise, but he continued to grow it for the next 50 years.
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When he died at the age of 80, his beard was some 3.8m long. He tucked it into a silk pouch under his shirt while he worked on the farm, and, out of respect for the beard, he refused to work around fire.
Nearly 4m of singed beard would truly define a bad hair day.
With great beard comes great responsibility and, as he grew older, he feared his grave would be robbed. To avoid this hair-raising nightmare, a clause in his will specified that he be buried in an extra-strong tomb to deter beard burglars.
If you are wondering what a 3.8m beard would feel like, wonder no more. In 1907, Missouri congressman Champ Clark told the New York Times that Tapley’s whiskers were “as soft as silk”, in keeping with his mild-mannered and thoroughly agreeable personality.
And why was he discussing Tapley’s facial hair? The politician was defending Missouri’s honour after a North Carolina upstart was claiming to have the world’s longest beard, at a paltry 2m long. He was charging people up to 25 cent to view the phenomenon.
An outraged Clark wrote to the Washington Post to complain and said a 2m-long beard was hardly a beard at all. He declared that the Missouri beard led the world and would take its place alongside the Missouri mule as “unapproachable and unapproached”.
I cannot vouch for the superiority of the Missouri mule, but I suspect the hairy-faced Irish would give that state’s bearded community a run for their money.
After all, Missouri doesn’t have a politician like Sinn Féin’s Gerry Adams who once claimed on Twitter that he was born with a beard. He said he gave up shaving when he was three years-old.
Sounds about right. And don’t forget the noble beard of Charles Stewart Parnell. Would he have been such a commanding nationalist leader and orator if he had been bare faced? And would he have caught Kitty O’Shea’s eye? I think not.
The lack of a beard may also have contributed to some of the worst reviews Clark Gable ever received. The American actor played the Irish politician in the 1937 movie Parnell. Gable’s star was soaring in Hollywood at the time, and he was cast opposite another big name – Myrna Loy – so the omens were good.
Unfortunately, Parnell proved to be a big fat turkey.
Gable made the curious decision to eschew facial hair when portraying Parnell, and he didn’t appear to have spent much time perfecting his Irish accent.
Critics found him to be woefully miscast, with this newspaper’s reviewer saying he and Loy were “obviously ill at ease and more than a little bewildered”. To crown it all, the movie about Ireland’s uncrowned king was listed in the book The Fifty Worst Films of all Time. So, shun the beard at your peril.
There was no opportunity to shun the biennial celebration of facial hair at the World Beard and Moustache Championships this year because it didn’t go ahead, due to the small matter of the pandemic. But fear not. The next world championships will be held in Auckland, New Zealand in 2023, and then Bristol in 2025.
Surely enough time to cultivate that wildly flamboyant handlebar moustache you’ve always dreamed of?
And with our hirsute history, it’s only a matter of time before the world event comes to these shores. It will be a wasted opportunity if it isn’t held in Trim. Can you believe it’s that time of year already? Brace yourself for the hordes of hirsute men limbering up to produce the most extravagant facial hair seen since the waiting room for the Game of Thrones auditions.
Movember – the moustache-growing initiative that promotes men’s health – might get a Covid bounce this year, now that people know what their follicles are capable of. The pandemic emboldened some men to throw caution – and their razors – to the wind and grow beards so luxuriant they could house colonies of starlings. So who knows what no-shave November might bring?
But will any of these moustachioed men have the commitment of Valentine Tapley? Back in 1860, the lifelong Democrat declared he would never shave again if the Republican candidate, Abraham Lincoln, were elected US president.
Unlike those people who vowed to emigrate if certain presidents were elected, the Missouri farmer actually kept his word. In fairness, he was already sporting a substantial beard when he made the promise, but he continued to grow it for the next 50 years.
There was no opportunity to shun the biennial celebration of facial hair at the World Beard and Moustache Championships this year because it didn't go ahead
When he died at the age of 80, his beard was some 3.8m long. He tucked it into a silk pouch under his shirt while he worked on the farm, and, out of respect for the beard, he refused to work around fire.
Nearly 4m of singed beard would truly define a bad hair day.
With great beard comes great responsibility and, as he grew older, he feared his grave would be robbed. To avoid this hair-raising nightmare, a clause in his will specified that he be buried in an extra-strong tomb to deter beard burglars.
If you are wondering what a 3.8m beard would feel like, wonder no more. In 1907, Missouri congressman Champ Clark told the New York Times that Mr Tapley’s whiskers were “as soft as silk”, in keeping with his mild-mannered and thoroughly agreeable personality.
And why was he discussing Tapley’s facial hair? The politician was defending Missouri’s honour after a North Carolina upstart was claiming to have the world’s longest beard, at a paltry 2m long. He was charging people up to 25 cent to view the phenomenon.
An outraged Clark wrote to the Washington Post to complain and said a 2m-long beard was hardly a beard at all. He declared that the Missouri beard led the world and would take its place alongside the Missouri mule as “unapproachable and unapproached”.
I cannot vouch for the superiority of the Missouri mule, but I suspect the hairy-faced Irish would give that state’s bearded community a run for their money. After all, Missouri doesn’t have a politician like Sinn Féin’s Gerry Adams who once claimed on Twitter that he was born with a beard. He said he gave up shaving when he was three-years old.
Sounds about right. And don’t forget the noble beard of Charles Stewart Parnell. Would he have been such a commanding nationalist leader and orator if he had been bare faced? And would he have caught Kitty O’Shea’s eye? I think not. The lack of a beard may also have contributed to some of the worst reviews Clark Gable ever received. The American actor played the Irish politician in the 1937 movie Parnell. His star was soaring in Hollywood at the time, and he was cast opposite another big name – Myrna Loy – so the omens were good.
Unfortunately, Parnell proved to be a big fat turkey.
Gable made the curious decision to eschew facial hair when portraying Parnell, and he didn’t appear to have spent much time perfecting his Irish accent. Critics found him to be woefully miscast, with this newspaper’s reviewer saying he and Loy were “obviously ill at ease and more than a little bewildered”. To crown it all, the movie about Ireland’s uncrowned king was listed in the book The Fifty Worst Films of all Time. So, shun the beard at your peril.
There was no opportunity to shun the biennial celebration of facial hair at the World Beard and Moustache Championships this year because it didn’t go ahead, due to the small matter of the pandemic. But fear not. The next world championships will be held in Auckland, New Zealand in 2023, and then Bristol in 2025.
Surely enough time to cultivate that wildly flamboyant handlebar moustache you’ve always dreamed of?
And with our hirsute history, it’s only a matter of time before the world event comes to these shores. It will be a wasted opportunity if it isn’t held in Trim.