Sir, – The criticism of the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre’s recent consent advertisement misses the point entirely (“Advert on consent showing grandparents hugging is taken down amid criticism of ‘demeaning’ message,” October 22nd).
The criticism appears to rest on a misunderstanding of the advert’s message. It was not an attack on grandparents, nor did it suggest that affection between grandparents and grandchildren is somehow inappropriate.
It simply illustrated that children should be allowed to decide whether they are comfortable with physical affection, even when that affection comes from people who love them.
Many parents already teach this lesson. Children may be shy, overwhelmed, feeling unwell or simply not want a hug at a particular moment.
READ MORE
Respecting that choice does not undermine family relationships. It teaches respect for personal boundaries and allows affection to be given freely rather than out of obligation.
The suggestion that lessons about consent should be confined to discussions of adult sexual relationships misses the broader point. Consent begins with understanding that every person has autonomy over their own body and that “no” should be respected, even in entirely innocent situations.
The advert’s message was neither demeaning nor controversial. It reflects the simple idea that children, just like adults, are entitled to their own boundaries and those boundaries deserve respect.
If some adults are offended by being told that children are not obliged to hug them, that reaction only demonstrates why these conversations remain important. – Yours, etc,
SOPHIE McDERMOTT,
Dalkey,
Dublin.
Sir, – The Department for Justice described as “inappropriate and demeaning to grandparents” the video by Dublin Rape Crisis Centre about consent, in which a young girl declines a grandparent’s hug. The department demanded the video be withdrawn.
This was not a campaign against grandparents. Many families could not manage without their support, most importantly, for disabled and neurodivergent grandchildren. But loving grandparents and a child’s right to say no, do not conflict.
The department’s statement said that consent matters “when it comes to sexual relationships”. However, children learn consent long before then, every time their “no” is heard. The Stay Safe programme in our primary schools teaches children to “say no, get away and tell”. That message only works if a child has learned that their no counts, including with the adults they love and trust.
For many neurodivergent children, unwanted touch can be overwhelming at a nervous system level. Many of these children say no without spoken words: by pulling away, by freezing, or through their communication devices.
When adults learn to read and respect those signals, children are safer. When the message from Government is that a child’s discomfort should be set aside to spare an adult’s feelings, the children with the least power to say no are the most exposed.
Ireland has committed, under the UN conventions on the rights of the child and of people with disabilities, to hear children’s views and to respect their physical integrity. Those commitments do not stop when grandparents are at the front door.
A hug only means something when a child wants it. Teaching a child that their body belongs to them demeans no one, but is how we keep children safe.
Adults in this country must get real about children’s rights, particularly those adults who are responsible for child protection. – Yours, etc,
NESSA HILL,
Chief executive,
Neurodiversity Ireland,
Sandymount,
Dublin 4.
