In the throes of the 2021 covid lockdown, Orla Donoghue’s relationship with her partner ended and she began navigating life as a single parent. The transition, she tells The Irish Times Women’s Podcast, was far from easy.
Speaking to podcast presenter Róisín Ingle, Donoghue says, “It’s not just the breakup of the relationship, it’s coming to terms with and grieving the loss of a whole life you have planned for yourself”.
“It’s like someone has ripped up the script and you are standing on a stage and thinking I don’t know what the next line is,” she adds.
The mother of one, who is originally from Dublin, was living in London at the time and found herself dealing with this huge shift alone. However she notes there were some positives to this.
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“It was tricky, but in a way I now look back and I think: thank God I didn’t have to come into the office and explain myself. I didn’t have to go to any weddings and explain myself”.
“I was given about three or four months of just time for me to figure it out”.
When Donoghue and her partner first separated, they quickly agreed on a co-parenting schedule for their then one-year-old child. Initially Donoghue had more time with her son, but by the time he started school, the couple were co-parenting 50/50.
While this arrangement was what worked best for them, Donoghue says it’s wasn’t always easy being away from her child. “In those early days of any parent, if you tell them you’re not going to see your child for half of the rest of their childhood, it’s a hard pill to swallow”.
Beyond spending time away from her son, another aspect of single parenthood that Donoghue says can be difficult is dealing with loneliness or feelings of failure.
“You feel like you’ve absolutely failed, not just yourself. You’ve failed your family because you’re now dragging your family through something like this. You feel like you failed your children because they’re now having to live across two households now”.
Over time, Donoghue has found her rhythm as a single parent and has adjusted to this new way of life. However, it was these early challenges that ultimately led her to embark upon a new career. From her base in London, she’s set up Solas Coaching, which offers support to single parents navigating similar journeys.
In this wide-ranging discussion, Donoghue explains why she’s so passionate about helping others, what she’s learned along the way, and why it’s so important to ask for help.
You can listen back to this conversation in the player above or wherever you get your podcasts. In association with Kildare Village.
