Kathleen Funchion does not know how she managed to keep up the chimera of normality during the worst moments of her relationship with a toxic partner.
She was trying to keep her head above water as if nothing was troubling her even though her life was a nightmare due to Seán Tyrell.
Somehow, she performed her public life as the Sinn Féin TD for Kilkenny and a prominent member of her party’s front bench.
On Monday, this week, for the first time, the secret torment and anguish she suffered for more than three years was laid bare at Kilkenny Courthouse.
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Tyrell (39), was sentenced to four months in prison. A separate four-month term was suspended for two years. He was convicted of two offences under the Harassment, Harmful Communications and Related Offences Act 2020, also known as Coco’s Law.
The court had heard that during a tumultuous six-year relationship, Tyrell exercised coercive and controlling behaviour over Ms Funchion, including checking her messages, demanding her phone, and accusing her of having an affair when there was no basis for having such suspicions.
The situation came to a head when Tyrell demanded she take a lie-detector test, which Ms Funchion – desperate for a resolution – initially agreed to take.
On Tuesday afternoon at Kilkenny Castle, Ms Funchion, now an MEP, recounts how her relationship with Tyrell deteriorated from a loving one – “I was 100 per cent in love with him” – into something much darker and more sinister.
She tells it in an even voice, without self-pity. “I really, really think it is important that I am able to share this ... so that others who find themselves in similar circumstances know that there is help available and there is a way out.”
At its worst, she says, there were “really difficult days” she struggled to get through. The regular drive to Dublin to go to the Dáil was the only time she had to herself to “take solace”, she says.
Ms Funchion, a mother of two children, met Tyrrell, who was a volunteer with the party in Kilkenny and they began a relationship a few years later.
At the start she had no inkling of what was to come. There were the usual ups and downs, but by 2020 she realised his behaviour was coercive and controlling.
“It was subtle ... It’s only when you realise afterwards that it is not normal.”
The issues came to a head in 2021. He had issues of trust with her and made baseless accusations she was having affairs.
“I actually gave him my phone in April 2021 so he could look through everything. And then he insisted on a lie detector test. I actually was agreeing to it. I think that shows that your mind goes into a really scary place where you agree to all this.”
There was never any physical violence in the relationship, but there were rows, accusations and exclusion.
“There was a lot of loneliness for me. You are conscious that you can’t really talk to your friends about it. And there is an element of you being in denial about it.”
In 2022, Ms Funchion decided to break off the relationship. Tyrrell threatened to contact the partners of some of her close friends and made claims they were unfaithful in their marriages. He also provided “false information” to a journalist about domestic violence and financial irregularities by a Sinn Féin politician, whom he didn’t name.
In a text message exchange with Ms Funchion, he threatened to disclose her name to a journalist unless she acceded to demands, including holding a meeting with Mary Lou McDonald and taking the lie detector test.
“It was outlandish, made-up stuff. I realised at this point that this person just won’t stop,” she says. She reached out to Amber Women’s Refuge in Kilkenny, with which she was familiar due to her advocacy, and then phoned the gardaí.
By then, she felt drained.
“I wasn’t sleeping, I wasn’t eating. I was just about managing to get up and go about my day.”
No part of the subsequent process was pleasant. Even though she is a public figure, Ms Funchion has guarded her private and family life. But she found the sentencing hearing on Monday to be cathartic.
“Getting up and reading the victim impact statement was important for me ... and this was a way for me to take back control. There was a huge weight lifted off my shoulder. I really wasn’t expecting that,” she says.
She wants others in similar situations to be able to recognise that what is happening is “not normal” and “not right”.
- If you are affected by any of the issues in this article, you can contact Women’s Aid at 1800-341900 or Men’s Aid at 01-5543811.
