Jesus, Mary and Holy St Parrott.
Some week.
A new president is inaugurated in a higgeldy-piggeldy-miggedly ceremony at Dublin Castle which ends up with more noses out of joint than a retirement home for professional boxers.
Then the Taoiseach, Tánaiste and an array of ministers do a big photo op in a place they wouldn’t normally visit in a fit to launch yet another all-action housing action plan on a beaten-down and sceptical public.
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Build it and they will come, says the Government.
Believe it when we see it, says everyone else.
And then, on Thursday night, Troy Parrott – from another place in Dublin’s inner city that the big wigs wouldn’t visit in a fit unless they had to – scores two glorious goals to seal a famous victory for the Republic of Ireland over Ronaldo’s Portugal.
But the big political event was Catherine Connolly’s inauguration.
We all love a good dollop and pomp and ceremony. Every seven years, Uachtarán na hÉireann provides it.
Seven years – that’s how long the powers-that-be had to plan Tuesday’s big bunfight.
It was a good inauguration.
But it wasn’t a great inauguration.
International incident
The venue was too small.
Although the organisers can’t be blamed for that – St Patrick’s Hall is a splendiferous space and perfect for hosting glittering State banquets and the like.
By the time all the members of the Oireachtas and the judiciary and key members of Catherine Connolly’s campaign team were counted in, along with all the family and friends of the new President, there was precious little room for anyone else.
The Diplomatic Corps lost out big time.
Ambassadors and their representatives were consigned to George’s Hall in the next wing. There would be no sashaying up the Grand Staircase for them.
Highlights of George’s Hall include the early years of the Planning Tribunal, the Beef, McCracken, Moriarty and Garda Whistleblower tribunals. There is some interesting artwork too.
If those walls could talk, the assembled Excellencies might have had enjoyed their trip to the castle a little better. As it was, they were bussed from Iveagh House and shut into the windowless George’s Hall for a number of hours to watch what they could have watched at home on the telly.
There wasn’t much in the way of refreshments either. They would have killed for a Ferrero Rocher by the time they were released.
The diplomats were not pleased to find themselves in an overflow room in an annex off the State Apartments.
At one stage, said a source close to the cocktail circuit, one senior ambassador from an EU county got up to leave but he was successfully persuaded to return.
Even our nearest neighbour didn’t get a look in, although at least the new UK ambassador arrived by car – probably a nod to the Common Travel Area and Special Relationship.
But Kara Owen also watched the proceedings from George’s Hall.
She did, however, meet Uachtarán Connolly during that evening’s State Reception and presented her with a letter of congratulation from King Charles.
The British Embassy tweeted afterwards: “A meaningful moment for the UK–Irish relationship as we look forward to working together in the years ahead.”
The judges arrived in a herd of black suits. Some politicians noted that Ireland’s four members of the European Court of Justice were not among them.
After the inauguration, one judge tried to board a coach reserved for politicians but she wasn’t allowed. “Separation of powers” she was jokingly informed.
‘You were lucky to get half a sandwich’
It was a long day for the politicians too.
Those parties and independents who supported Catherine Connolly were happy out, except for Ruth Coppinger.
Despite being on the winning side, the socialist TD for Dublin West still found time to complain that Aontú’s Peadar Tóibín shouldn’t have been given such a prominent seat and moan about members of Fianna Fáil and Fine Gael muscling in for photographs with the Left’s President.
She posted a picture of her smiling photo-op with Catherine to prove her point.
Fine Gael’s Frank Feighan was among the people in the background, minding his own business, waiting innocently in the queue for his chance to congratulate the woman who is now his President.
Magnanimous Ruth says she wouldn’t have been at the reception had Heather Humphreys won the election.
The concept of a President for All – warmly embraced on the day by those politicians who campaigned for a different candidate – appears to have bypassed Deputy Coppinger.
Meanwhile, the catering team in Leinster House found itself under unexpected pressure on Tuesday afternoon when famished TDs and Senators stormed the bar and the canteen in search of sustenance.
“We were put on the busses at half ten in the morning and didn’t get out of the place until after half two. If you weren’t one of the first out of the hall after the ceremony you were lucky to get half a sandwich. It wasn’t much better in the evening when we came back, although there was more wine. Some people were half-pissed in no time because they had nothing to eat,” said our Dáil confidante.
“The budget for the presidency is gone up by 9 per cent. We saw none of it!”
Still, the parties in the Áras should be good. A lot of people on Tuesday were remarking that the President’s husband, Brian McEnery, is the image of Benny from Abba.
The great communicator
Never mind Dublin Castle.
Jim O’Callaghan, the Minister for Justice, was the star turn of this week.
On Wednesday, he filled in for Taoiseach Micheál Martin at the Irish Journalism Awards luncheon in the Mansion House. Micheál was too busy sticking pins in his eyes (and prepping for Leaders’ Questions).
It was a quick in and out job for Jim, because he was due in the Seanad for a debate on the Defamation Bill.
He gave a very funny speech to a very hard to please crowd.
Eschewing the usual platitude-filled time-filler, Jim turned in a highly entertaining routine in which he took the Micheál out of the Taoiseach, Ivan Yates, Terry Prone, certain media advisers/pundits, awards MC Matt Cooper and his own sister, Miriam.
He said he approached his leader for advice on how to handle this daunting speaking gig. Micheál said he needed good training to face the “giants of Irish journalism” and highly recommended an excellent media trainer who had the real advantage of being an ex-politician from Wexford.
What, Mick Wallace?
No, said the Taoiseach. Ivan Yates. He’s great altogether.
Jim goes to a distinguished array of communications luminaries for advice but he is none the wiser.
Then somebody tells him he has all the advice he needs much closer to home. Why not ask his sister, the broadcaster and author, Miriam O’Callaghan?
Jim said Miriam was initially offended at his attempt to compromise her integrity but she relented for her brother, just this once.
She told him to get a pen and paper and take down three pieces of advice.
The hacks in the audience were agog.
“And she said: One – If you’re giving a speech on Wednesday afternoon, make sure you put your eyelashes in on Tuesday evening.
“Two: When you go to bed on Tuesday evening, make sure you remove your lower eyelashes, but don’t remove the upper eyelashes.
“And three, you don’t have a fringe, so don’t wash your hair on Tuesday or indeed, on Wednesday.”
And he left them laughing. And impressed.
A good day’s work.
Lament for Betty
When the Dáil reopened for business on Wednesday, Labour leader Ivana Bacik was not in the chamber for Leaders’ Questions.
We heard later that she had been in Wexford attending the funeral of Betty Lawlor, the mother of her party colleague, George Lawlor.
Everyone agreed it was a lovely funeral. Betty (89) died peacefully at home after a long life, well lived. She was devoted to her family and to The Butters – otherwise known as Sarsfields GAA Club.
Many warm tributes and fond recollections were shared at her mass in the town’s Church of the Assumption.
In a touching reflection, Deputy Lawlor – a noted tenor with the Wexford Light Opera Society – talked about his final, precious, days with his beloved mother.
“Only recently, I sat beside her bed, singing gently to her.”
The hankies came out in the pews. Eyes were dabbed for George and Betty.
He smiled wistfully.
“And she said: ‘George. Shut up for God’s sake.’”
Clusterbleep
Word of the Week: Clusterbleep.
On Wednesday in Brussels, Fianna Fáil’s Barry Cowen was asked about his party’s presidential campaign debacle.
“The whole thing was a ‘clusterbleep’, I’d say.”
But it’s not for the party’s MEP for Midlands Northwest to say what might happen next. He pointed out that a review process is already under way (slowly) and it will determine who, if anyone, should be held accountable.
Three Titans of the Fianna Fáil parliamentary party are spearheading this, eh, root and branch investigation into the shambles enthusiastically promoted by party leader Micheál Martin and his young sidekick Jack Chambers which resulted in their hapless candidate Jim Gavin being handed his Áras on a plate.
Three unknown titans of the parliamentary party are conducting the probe – Deputies Tom Brabazon and Eamon Scanlon and Senator Margaret Murphy O’Connor.
Here’s the gist of Barry’s less-than-ringing endorsement of his party leader.
“At the moment the Taoiseach remains leader of Fianna Fáil,” and Micheál is “committed” to leading the party into the next election and that’s it “unless issues or events and it can happen any day of the week”.
A clusterbleep is like a clusterf**k, but with a lot more effin’ asterisks.
Barry has it nailed.
