The Taoiseach.
Back on a flying visit for one day only.
Between major gigs in New York and Copenhagen, Micheál Martin managed a quick stopover in Dublin.
The first thing he did was loan his active-service uniform of navy suit and blue tie to Jim Gavin so he could wear it on parade at the presidential debate on Monday night.
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So his handpicked candidate could look like a fellow statesman.
Fianna Fáil strategists didn’t even have to take up the trousers because the candidates were seated. What a pair of highflyers they are.
Micheál was once the mayor of Cork and his Mini-Micheál used to be a pilot in the Air Corps.
The two men share a mutual love of aviation fuel, manly sports and workwear with clanking ironmongery.
Once Jim finished gesticulating like one of the Thunderbirds during an unmemorable debate, the uniform suit was returned to the Taoiseach.
And there he was, resplendent as usual, in the Dáil chamber on Tuesday afternoon for his only Leaders’ Questions of the week.
After his action-packed trip to the United Nations last week, Micheál would be jetting away to Copenhagen on Wednesday for a crucial meeting of the Council of Europe.
And what subject is he forced to endure – and him in the middle of bestriding the world like a colossus – during this brief layover?
Only Mary Lou McDonald banging on about another bleedin’ bicycle shed.
The Sinn Féin leader wasn’t going to miss this special anniversary.
She had to remind the Dáil that it was “this time last year” when it was revealed that the new, modest bike shelter in the grounds of Leinster House cost a staggering €335,000.
The reaction was one of “widespread public shock and anger”, recalled Mary Lou.
Now, she finally comes to terms with this atrocity and what happens? Only another cycle-related abomination comes along to traumatise her all over again.
“At the weekend, it emerged that The Bike Shed Scandal Part ll is on the cards,” she quivered at the Taoiseach in his single transferable suit.
“It’s bike shed Groundhog Day.”
From a week of rubbing shoulders with fellow global leaders at the United Nations – to this.
Micheál looked puzzled and bemused when she asked whether he thinks €100,000 to build a new bike shed at Holles Street maternity hospital represents value for the taxpayer.
He replied by talking about the original of the species – the one that cost over three times that amount and is now a must-see landmark for visitors on tours of Leinster House and the grounds.
The issue of the mega-expensive shelter and other minor projects was covered extensively last year, replied the Taoiseach, and the outlay was unacceptable “in terms of spendings that should not have happened”.
The whole caper had nothing to do with him anyway.
Micheál looked across the floor. “I do recall – I think it was members of the Opposition sought a bike shed."
“And they wanted a second one,” chimed in Minister of State Michael Healy-Rae, who has a bee in his bonnet about placing cycle racks outside a working parliament building. He cocked a withering eye in the direction of Ivana Bacik and her colleagues.
“Labour”, he spat.
The Taoiseach repeated his charge.
“You guys wanted a bike shed.”
“So did you,” said an Opposition TD.
Micheál laughed. “I didn’t want any bike shed. Right?”
The Government can’t be micromanaging these projects. “We’re not responsible for the actual detail . . . I’m not into the detail of a bike shed in the National Maternity Hospital. But I want it built.”
Staff who want to cycle to work need these facilities, he pointed out.
“I presume the one in the maternity hospital is for workers to facilitate them if they cycle to work.”
And maybe for expectant mothers who need to be induced. The smaller roads around Holles Street can be rather bumpy.
The Taoiseach, in between international engagements, could see the domestic political angle and it was all about Mary Lou “going for a cheap headline and it’s time for the bike shed again”.
She wasn’t taking that.
“You may smirk if you wish, Taoiseach,” she replied tartly, dismissing his “smart Alecky” approach.
“You don’t take it seriously because what’s it to you at the end of the day? You’re not struggling to pay your grocery bill.”
“Neither are you!” reposted the Government benches.
There was a minor eruption from Boxer Moran, the Minister for the OPW. He roared across at Mary Lou from his berth across the aisle from the Taoiseach.
“Did you read the e-tender,” he bawled. “Read the e-tender.”
Micheál understood Boxer’s annoyance.
“You talk to me about being a smart Alec. Your assertions today were bogus, flawed and not serious.”
All the while, Sinn Féin deputy leader Pearse Doherty was roaring at him to say whether or not he thinks €100,000 represents value for money for the bike shed in Holles Street.
As he tried to say he wants these projects built at a reasonable cost and on time, he couldn’t finish his sentences. He gave up and directly addressed the still-bellowing Pearse.
“D’ya know what you’ll do for us now? Would you go away and design a bike shed for us there and give us the cost and we’ll take it away and see what we’ll do with it.
“Cop yourself on, for God’s sake. Cop yourself on.”
Perhaps the Sinn Féin TDs were a little on edge because a member of their parliamentary party, Senator Chris Andrews, is aboard one of the vessels in the flotilla trying to break Israel’s sea blockade of humanitarian aid to Gaza.
The Dáil agreed last week to debate a cross-party motion calling on Israel to adhere to international law and not to endanger the lives of the people on the flotilla. Two Irish politicians are involved – Senator Andrews and independent TD Barry Heneghan, who is in a smaller flotilla following on.
It has also set aside 3½ hours on Wednesday for statements on the genocide in Gaza.
On Tuesday afternoon, Sinn Féin’s Pádraig Mac Lochlainn wanted the Oireachtas to do more, if necessary.
With hundreds of human rights activists heading for Gaza and a possibility that Israel could intervene, “can we respond robustly if anything happens tonight?”
The Ceann Comhairle said the Order of Business had been agreed.
But Pádraig insisted on clarification.
“Can we respond flexibly in the Oireachtas, jointly, if the situation deteriorates badly?
“Can it be answered now? Can we answer that?” he appealed to the Government through the Ceann Comhairle.
The lack of an answer angered Sinn Féin.
“We are talking about people who may be attacked in the next while. All we are asking for is a bit of flexibility,” shouted Pearse Doherty.
Their concern was understandable.
But the Dáil was due to sit until 1am and resume eight hours later at 9am on Wednesday.
What flexible, robust Dáil response could be possible if, God forbid, there was an attack in the interim?
