They say it’s the easiest yes you’ll ever say and yet planning the wedding itself is often described as one life’s most stressful endeavours – so how can you bridge the gap?
By focusing on the basics, say our experts. Having the difficult conversations at the beginning frees up time, budget and head space later on, resulting in enjoyable wedding planning and the perfect day.
Assign a budget
Before you get distracted by honeymoons, discuss your budget. Ask yourself what you want to spend and, perhaps more importantly, what you can afford to spend without compromising elsewhere. For Dean Leahy, events manager at The Kingsley in Cork, this is the most important conversation of all. “Couples planning a wedding should start by deciding their budget and how many people they want to invite,” he says. “These are the starting points. Then the venue and date are the most important details to begin with, as this will set the scene for the celebration.”
Venue first
The importance of choosing the right venue is echoed by Victoria Brown, group marketing manager for Galgorm Collection, who believes that the right venue sets the tone for everything else. “Couples are increasingly starting their journey by selecting a space that already reflects their personal style,” she says. “The venue is more than a backdrop – it’s central to how the day flows and how it feels. Couples are placing greater value on venues with experienced planning teams, flexibility across spaces and the ability to host multi-day celebrations with ease, ensuring that every detail is delivered seamlessly and that each couple’s vision can be realised with ease.”
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Set out a timeline
When do you want to say “I do”? This will determine everything else, says Roberta O’Keeffe, assistant wedding and events manager at Cork’s Fota Island. She suggests that couples book their venue and vendors a minimum of eight to 10 months in acvance. She also advises couples to factor legalities into their timeline, saying: “It’s important to factor in legal elements such as filing for your intent to marry or if you intend to take a marriage course beforehand, as these can sometimes take a couple of months to organise.”
Stay organised
There’s a reason the term “wedmin” has been recognised by the Collins Dictionary. It may well be the best day of your life but it will also come with a side of administration that can easily become unnecessarily stressful. Budget tracking and guest-list monitoring can become mountains if you let them. Set up a wedding email address to keep things in one place and don’t be afraid of a spreadsheet. Relationship experts also recommend this approach, as it results in a shared sense of responsibility.
Suit yourself
Weddings have become much more personalised over the past number of years, and as you plan your own it can be helpful to look at nuptials you’ve attended previously to get a sense of what you do and don’t like. For O’Keeffe, the perfect wedding is one where the couple have truly been able to relax. “Couples should think about what they would enjoy rather than going with the safe option.” she advises. “While it’s important to think about their guests, this day is to celebrate the couple. The perfect wedding is one where the couple can enjoy themselves while making memories that will last a lifetime.”
Be realistic
As a tool to find vendors and venues, social media is a dream. As a thief of joy fuelled by comparison, it can cause untold upset. Avoid feeling like your wedding isn’t up to scratch by being realistic – about who you are as a couple, what you look like and what is possible. Fireworks and champagne towers are not essentials for a dream wedding. And neither are extreme makeovers.
Yes, everyone wants to look their best but striving for Hollywood aesthetics can result in disappointment, especially in pursuit of the perfect smile or frown-free face. This is something Dr Sarah Flannery, owner and principal dentist at Azure Dental, sees regularly, which is why she suggests couples look at “treatments aimed at confidence and authenticity, not dramatic alteration”.
Flannery also suggests couples seek guidance early in their wedding journey, saying: “My advice is to have any work done early so that there is lots of time to perfect any issues. For example, changing a crown on a front tooth – it can take time to get it perfect and the change also takes time to get used to. I would advise the same when having anti-wrinkle injections, to make sure the bride or groom likes the new look and is comfortable with it.”
Mistakes to avoid
Doing too much
For The Kingsley’s Dean Leahy, booking too many suppliers in an effort to have it all is a mistake he sees often. “I see couples hiring too many suppliers or extras, thinking they need everything. Closer to the wedding, many realise that simpler plans work better to create a more relaxed day, as, often, less is more.”
Overplanning
For Fota Island’s Roberta O’Keeffe, overplanning is the most common mistake she sees; she suggests that couples adopt a more “go with the flow” attitude. “While we all need a timeline to ensure things are running smoothly, there are so many external factors that can derail timings. Being a little bit more flexible makes the day more enjoyable and less stressful for everyone.”
Unrealistic time frames
For Dr Flannery, couples who expect miracles in a short time frame is one of the biggest mistakes she sees, alongside those who want to improve their smile but have left it too late. “The biggest one mistake is coming too late to straighten the teeth,” she says, “Invisalign is a minimally invasive, easy treatment and can be done in a relatively short time, but at least six months prior to the wedding is advised – more if teeth are very misaligned.”
