You couldn’t but think of the Limerick hurlers while watching the London Marathon on Sunday morning. Anthony Daly’s response later in the day to seeing the quality of their bench, never mind their starting XV, left you wondering whetherthe only hope for all the otherf the counties’ Championship ambitions was if Limerick were obliged to play dressed as cream crackers. Or Domino’s Pizza garlic and herb dips. Or charcuterie boards.
That’s how Sally Orange, Jack Glasscock and Larissa Kolasinski ran the Marathon, so their chances of challenging eventual winners Sifan Hassan and Kelvin Kiptum were always going to be slim.
Gabby Logan kept an admirably straight face while imparting this class of information during the BBC’s coverage of the event because all of these things were being done for charity, so she had to show some respect.
In all, 73 runners were attempting to set world records in categories such as fastest marathon run while dressed as a three-dimensional dinosaur, carrying a household appliance (white goods), wearing the most underpants, and dressed as a vegetable, crustacean, food jar or Christmas cracker.
Hassan and Kiptum’s performances were, of course, stunning.
Steve Cram and Paula Radcliffe had urged Hassan to drop out when she began struggling with her hip 10-ish miles from home, so come the end of the race you were left wondering how much faster she might have run if her hip hadn’t been banjaxed and this hadn’t been her first ever marathon. Somewhere above the skies is the limit, probably.
And Kiptum wasn’t too shoddy either, him running the second-fastest marathon time in the entire history of the world, albeit a distant 18 seconds behind Eliud Kipchoge’s record.
But neither Hassan nor Kiptum ran with, say, a fridge on their backs, as Sam Hammond did, so in many ways his 28,275th placing was just as impressive. And Glasscock’s 47,252nd finish was no less commendable because he was the man wearing a Domino’s Pizza garlic and herb dip. Still, if he’d gone for the Red Hot Big Dip, could he have broken the top 47,000? He’ll die wondering, you fear.
Anthony didn’t specifically call for the GAA’s CCCC (Central Competition Controls Committee) to rule that Limerick should tog out in cream crackers or charcuterie boards for this Championship, just to give everyone else a chance, but when he looked at that bench he was ashen-faced.
“It’s actually frightening,” he told Joanne Cantwell. She and Liam Sheedy nodded. “Scary.”
Mind you, Anthony and Liam were already in a state of befuddlement having been ordered by RTÉ to turn up at Roscommon’s Dr Hyde Park to analyse Limerick’s meeting with Waterford in Semple Stadium. They had, then, travelled further than Elon Musk’s SpaceX.
In the end, Davy Fitz’s Waterford frightened the bejaysus out of Limerick, Anthony suggesting that if they’d taken their chances they’d have left the champions cream-crackered. He concluded, though, that maybe-ish this isn’t a one-horse race after all, because, say, a charcuterie board could pip them at the post if they’re not on song this Championship season.
Ireland were on song at Musgrave Park on Saturday, and were still throttled 48-0 by England, which tells you where our women’s international team is at in their latest stage of development.
“We’re a loose boulder – we haven’t hit rock bottom yet,” said RTÉ panellist Lindsay Peat prematch, which wasn’t comforting.
She too feared a three-figure mauling, so she was on the relieved side come full-time.
As was Paula Fitzpatrick. “We’d have taken that beforehand,” she said, “it’s a success really in terms of the scoreline.” “A ‘success’ at 48-0 shows us where we are,” said Daire O’Brien.
Lindsay summed it up, though. “England are the well-oiled machine, we’re only at the petrol pump filling up our tank….. we’re just loading the car.”
There’s no shame in a 0-48 loss against a well-oiled machine. Still grim, certainly, but they played like they gave a ****. Watching captain Nichola Fryday’s emotion through these dark days will never not leave you floored.
