Sport

TV View: Never mind Usain Bolt, how fast was Marie Crowe?

Spooky punditry on RTÉ, and a ghastly question for Sweden’s goalkeeper

Sweden players rejoice after their narrow victory over the USA at the Women's World Cup, mirroring, perhaps, the celebrations of people who feared missing out on the junior All-Ireland final. Photograph: William West/AFP via Getty Images
Sweden players rejoice after their narrow victory over the USA at the Women's World Cup, mirroring, perhaps, the celebrations of people who feared missing out on the junior All-Ireland final. Photograph: William West/AFP via Getty Images
Mary Hannigan's picture
Mary Hannigan
Sun Aug 06 2023 - 20:40

Part of you would be thinking that the World Cup has a right neck to be carrying on after our elimination, but after that Sweden v United States penalty shoot-out, you’d have been happy enough that it kept going. Drama-a-rama.

Richie Sadlier and Emma Byrne had agreed prematch that the States aren’t the team they once were, namely the one that lifted the last two World Cups, but they differed a bit on how them being knocked out at this stage of the competition would be categorised.

Richie: “It wouldn’t be a shock for me if they lose.”

Emma: “If the USA go out it would be a massive, massive shock.”

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Prediction time.

Emma: “USA.”

Richie: “Sweden on penalties.”

Evanne Ní Chuilinn: “Oh God, the camogie will be in trouble.”

One hundred and twenty minutes plus added time plus penalties later in Melbourne and the camogie was in right trouble, Marie Crowe left with 8.79 seconds for the build-up to the junior All-Ireland final.

Bear in mind that it took Usain Bolt a whole 9.58 to complete a 100m in 2009, Marie crossing the line – “Hello and welcome, I’m joined in the studio by Ann Marie, Elaine and Ursula, but I’m going to hand you over now to Siobhan Madigan on commentary” – with an entire 0.79 seconds to spare. If she had included Ann Marie, Elaine and Ursula’s surnames, she’d have been banjaxed.

Even louder, then, than the celebrating from Stockholm and surrounds was the whooping and cheering from the RTÉ scheduling department when Lina Hurtig’s penalty was adjudged by goal-line technology to have crossed the line. By a micrometre, but still. If the technology had said “Níl” and the shoot-out had continued, then we might have been joining the junior final when Clare were lifting the trophy.

But could we just rewind here to Richie’s prediction? “Sweden on penalties.” Spooky.

And there was more of the same before the intermediate All-Ireland final between Derry and Meath.

Ann Marie Hayes: “I think they’re very evenly matched, I think it’s going to be a draw.”

It was a draw. As Mags Darcy put it in the commentary box, “whoever on the panel called it might throw out the Lottery numbers there”. It might be worth chancing the scoreline and year: 1, 9, 2, 6, 20, 23. If you strike it lucky, just remember who gave you the winning numbers – and be generous.

Time for the senior final. Cork – whose All-Ireland winning drought extended all the way back to the dim and distant past of 2018 – versus Waterford, whose one and only final appearance, which they lost, was in 1945.

“So, what was Ireland like in 1945?” Marty Morrissey asked himself. Among the excellent factoids with which he provided us, apart from a pint of Guinness costing 14 shillings and sixpence back then, was that 78 years ago “oranges went on sale for the first time in Ireland since the end of World War II”.

Armed with that information, we headed into the game, and in terms of Cork and Waterford’s respective starts to the contest, it was apples and oranges. Twenty-five minutes in and it was 1-07 to 0-01 for the Rebels.

(Call them Rebelettes and you’ll get a smack. That would be as irksome as the question put to player-of-the-match Zećira Mušović, the Swedish goalkeeper, after their triumph over the reigning World Cup champions: “Do you know Zlatan Ibrahimović?” Ah now).

Anyway, Cork ate poor old Waterford alive, Amy O’Connor doing Amy O’Connor things by helping herself to a hat-trick of second-half goals in less than three minutes. And finishing with just the 3-7.

A no-contest, alas, which left the crowd of 30,191 a bit deflated, much of it made up of very excited young girls, hence Marty noting that the “decibels are reaching excruciating levels”. It’s very lovely, needless to say, seeing young girls pack the stands for sporting occasions, but be warned, bring your ear plugs. Marty will be saying “wha’?” for a month.

“Thanks a million for treating us like human beings,” said O’Connor in her salute to Matthew Twomey in her captain’s speech. D’you know, there could be a lesson there for other managers. No names mentioned, of course.

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