By the Numbers: 95:11
The time on the clock when Troy Parrott completed his hat-trick in Budapest, prompting bedlam from Buncrana to Ballybunion.
Word of Mouth
“You don’t know what you’re doing!” – Norwich City fans when one of their own proposed to his girlfriend on the Carrow Road pitch at half-time.
“I think a new goalkeeper is needed, possibly two centre halves, two centre midfield players and two centre forwards.” – Apart from that, Paul Scholes felt Manchester United had all they needed going in to the new season.
“I’ll be honest with you, I think he’s a German spy ... he’s been sent over to **** us up. He’s like Lord Haw-Haw in the war: ‘We have your best soldiers captured’, and all that.” – And then ‘Arry Redknapp made a Nazi salute when talking at a charity event about Thomas Tuchel getting the England gig. Like you do.
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“It’s not a bad run on paper if you had wins in it.” – Sean Dyche on Everton’s run of two defeats and three draws in five games. Somehow that reasoning didn’t prevent him from being sacked.
“Liverpool are the best team in the world, never mind anywhere else.” – Ally McCoist suggesting that Arne Slot’s lads weren’t just kings of Earth, but Mercury, Venus, Mars, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus and Neptune too.
“If that was a game of chess, it would be game, set and match to Arsenal.” – Martin Keown, of course.
Ant McPartlane: “Bruno, you can have the mic as long as you cut out the swearing. What did you say to the players before the cup final?”
Bruno Guimaraes: “Well, I said to them ‘today, we leave the pitch as f***ing legends!’” – Ant felt like Dec-ing the Newcastle man when he turned the air blue during their Carabao Cup-winning bus parade.
“I have been trying to improve my sleep – but it doesn’t happen overnight.” – Brighton manager Fabian Hürzeler on the stresses of the job turning him into an insomniac.
“People say we should look in the mirror – but we just go home and reflect.” – Newcastle’s Jacob Murphy on the club’s dodgy league form.
“I learned Spanish for over a year – and then ended up in Italy.” – Ben Godfrey on having to start brand new language classes after moving from Everton to Atalanta. And then he had to learn Sheffield-ese after joining United on loan.
“When I heard the terrible news, I poured myself a small brandy. Being buried alive is quite stressful, really.” – Bulgarian Petko Ganchev after his former club Arda Kardzhali held a sombre minute’s silence for him after receiving somewhat mistaken information about his demise.
“Rest in peace, Pat.” – Arsenal old boy Emmanuel Petit on Sky Sports, mourning the passing of Pat Rice. (Soon after – David Jones: “I’ve got some good news – Pat Rice sends his best ... he’s alive and kicking).
“My mate bought 10,000 blue flares and spent the last four weeks taking off the blue labels and putting red labels on them. I hope he sells the ****in’ lot.” – All of which explained why there was a sea of blue at Liverpool’s title-winning celebrations. Take a bow, Tony Blue Blood’s Everton-worshipping mate.
“He stepped over the respect barrier.” – The somewhat understated mention in a Cornwall referee’s report of the behaviour of a spectator who, well, threatened to “beat him to a pulp, crush his skull, chop him up and put him in the boot of his car”. (It was an under-14 game).
“Any leaks, whether accidental or intended, can be damaging to colleagues and the wider club.” – An email sent to Manchester United employees by the club’s owners warning them against leaking information to the media. The email was, eh, leaked.
