Compiled by MARY HANNIGAN
Early bath: For Bahraini but Todd's record worth recalling
YOU might have heard about Rashed Al Hooti's brief enough appearance for Bahrain last week in their World Cup qualifier against Iran, the fella sent off after 37-ish seconds for a two-footed lunge on an opponent. "It never Bahrains, but it pours," as The Sunput it.
While it might be the fastest sending off in international football, Al Hooti needs to up his game to match Lee Todd’s record, his dismissal in an English non-league match back in 2000 coming after just the two seconds.
His offence? “**** me, that was loud,” he said after the referee blew his whistle to start the game. At which point he was sent off for foul and abusive language.
“Anyone else would have done the same,” Todd argued, “he nearly blew my ear off.”
Novel approach: Real Betis manager plots for Ronaldo
“Before, football was everything to me. Now it is not like that, I’m interested in other things. It even takes a great deal of effort for me to play football with my kids in the garden – I now leave it to the babysitter.”
– AC Milan’s Zlatan Ibrahimovic
“The novel’s plot reflects my passions, the everyday things I like. It helps me to relax and between pages I might think of a way to stop Cristiano Ronaldo.”
– Real Betis manager Pepe Mel on his newly-published book: a novel about a millionaire antiques collector who has a run-in with the Vatican while searching for stolen manuscripts (and a way to mark Ronaldo).
“The most important thing is to not burn out before the games, the voltage is increasing every day.”
– Estonia’s Konstantin Vassiljev a bit electrified at the prospect of facing Ireland.
“The prediction of Prophet Joshua really affected us.”
– Peter Odemwingie explaining that a faith healer forecast Nigeria would fail to qualify for the Africa Cup of Nations.
On the move? Van Persie puts property on marketARSENAL fans who browsed through the Rightmove website recently would have been impressed by one of the properties, a "spectacular five-bedroom executive detached house" in Hertfordshire with an asking price of just under €1.6 million. The house, among its many features, has three garages and a small football pitch at the back.
“Gosh, I wonder who owns it,” Arsenal fans might have asked. They might then have seen a photo of a big orange room with a giant football, followed by a line about there being “no ongoing chain”. What did that suggest? That the seller is planning on leaving the country or moving elsewhere in England come, say, January? Like, Manchester? “It’s not our captain, is it,” they’d have fretted. It is. But Robin van Persie tried to calm their fears. “I’m not living on the streets or anything” and “I have found a really nice house – and yes, it’s in London!” What he didn’t say was if he was only renting . .
Hea Loos
While FAI boss John Delaney was caught on camera beaming broadly after the play-off draw in Poland paired Ireland with Estonia, judging by the headline on the website for Estonia’s Delfi newspaper they were more than a little chuffed too. “Hea Loos” we’re (hopefully) reliably informed, translates as “good news”. Everyone’s happy, then.
Online revenge: Armenian fans find a way to vent anger over Spanish refereeNOT surprisingly, Spanish referee Eduardo Iturralde Gonzalez isn't too popular with Armenian football fans since he sent off their goalkeeper in Dublin last Tuesday night, becoming their equivalent of our Martin Hansson, the referee from that unpleasant night in Paris.
Armenia Now reported that the supporters have been “inundating Facebook with messages demanding that Gonzalez be banned from the profession for life”.
They have also sent an open letter to Uefa president Michel Platini calling for him to be punished.
They didn’t stop there. The supporters even created an online game – “Throw Eduardo Gonzalez” – that “seems to be getting quite popular among Armenian internet users”.
It’s a curious game – you use your mouse to guide a falling Gonzalez through a maze of footballs, although you’d assume most of the players are happy enough to make his journey a bouncy one.
We’ve been trying our best to help the fella, but with no great success – as the photograph demonstrates.
Gazza: Out of control
PAUL GASCOIGNE’S Interview with Piers Morgan earned a headline or two last week, not least the revelation that on a visit to Libya he “took Gaddafi’s two sons out and got them lamped. I also signed this thing in his compound. I think it was a bomb.”
For nervous fliers, though, the more, well, interesting snippet was the bit about the English squad’s flight to Italy for the 1990 World Cup.
“I asked if I could sit in the cockpit,” he said.
“Then I asked the pilot if I could have a go at the controls. I gave it a turn and I must have sent the jet three miles off track.”
As the young people might put it: OMG.
Wide awake: Tuned-in Redknapp rises early to sit outside training ground
“There’s a difference between a player who costs 20 million and one that’s one million. A player worth 20 million may get one or two goals a season, but I’d be happy if he only hit the post if he cost one million.”
– Diego Maradona on his club Al Wasl getting what they pay for.
“It’s hard. I’ve found myself on some days leaving home at three in the morning. Then I’m outside the training ground at five, but they don’t open up until seven. I’m just sitting there, listening to the radio.”
– Truly, there’s only one ’Arry Redknapp.
“You mustn’t run because the bear is quicker than a man, nor go up a tree because the bear can climb it. You must back away with little steps. I didn’t do anything because the bear got frightened first and ran away.”
– What’s Carlo Ancelotti up to these days? Terrifying bears while holidaying in Canada.
“A big difference is the underwear players have. But this is France and fashion. Pink, orange, green, fluorescent – and they play wearing that too.”
– Joe Cole slowly, but surely, coming to terms with a brand new culture while on loan at Lille.
“I thought I should start with the fun marathon but unfortunately we changed direction, kept going and followed the first group.”
– Swindon manager Paolo di Canio explaining how he accidentally ended up running a “full half marathon plus 800 metres” in the town recently, when he was only meant to do two miles. Hey, it’s happened us all.
