Mary Hannigan's Planet Football:You might have read about the rather unpleasant Christmas Eve that was had by the wife of Palermo sporting director Rino Foschi.

On December 22nd, Foschi received a parcel in the post and, guessing it was a generous gift from a pal, put it under the Christmas tree. While he was away in Cesena his wife opened the package and found the severed head of a young goat, covered in blood, looking out at her. She fainted. Well, wouldn't you?

"It gave my wife a terrible fright, but I think it was a joke and I'm sleeping peacefully. Let's not make a film out of this," said Foschi, who can only assume his team's run of poor results resulted in the "gift" being sent by a none-too-happy supporter.

We took it, then, that Mrs Foschi clinched the award for "the most unpleasant Christmas had by a figure connected to the footballing world", but then we read about MK Dons' manager Martin Allen. "On Christmas Eve, while I was at church, my dog Monty ate the turkey," he revealed.

Worse, much worse, were the unconfirmed reports that circulated after the revelation that Monty was so stuffed, a bit like the turkey, after his feast that he unloaded it, from all available orifices, around the Allen home. Oh. God.

Quotes of the week

"Fourth spot is what we are aiming for. We don't want to be second best."

- Everton's Phil Neville. Eh?

"Matthew will not be signing a new contract at Birmingham - even if they make him an offer he can't refuse, he will refuse it."

- Matthew Upson's agent Barry Neville redefines "unturndownable".

"The other players are perhaps less talented, certainly less talented because Barry is talented. Today on the pitch I had a captain who is less talented - I know that Gavin is less talented than Barry."

- Paul Le Guen, who took his talents elsewhere last week, when he left Rangers.

"I would love an Aston Martin, but if you ask me for £1 million for an Aston Martin I tell you 'you are crazy' because they cost £250,000. Just because of the smell that Chelsea needs a central defender has people thinking we are stupid."

- Jose Mourinho, ruling out a bid for the overpriced Aston Martin, even if he would get Chelsea's back four motoring.

"Andy Johnson's gone 11 goals without a game."

- Nigel Winterburn, bringing a fresh of breath air to Sky Sports' punditry.

From yesterday's papers . . .

The Observer:"Celtic (are) close to signing Arsenal striker Anthony Stokes . . . the 18-year-old appears to have chosen the Scottish champions ahead of interest from Charlton Athletic and Sunderland."

Sunday Mail:"Celtic last night lost out in their bid to sign Anthony Stokes when the striker opted to move from Arsenal to Charlton."

Sunday Mirror: "Roy Keane is set to pull off his biggest coup of the January transfer window by snatching Irish wonderkid Anthony Stokes from under the noses of Premiership strugglers Charlton."

We can only hope this Stokes lad has a good engine, he'll need one when he has three clubs to play for between now and the end of the season.

More quotes of the week

"I'd like to say I'm a Thierry Henry type of player but I'm actually closer to a Darren Huckerby type."

- Preston's David Nugent, reportedly a target for a Premiership club or three, knocks several zeros off his valuation.

"I do miss the odd good cross from Willy Sagnol and Philipp Lahm. We play a little differently at Chelsea than we did at Bayern and it is harder to profit from my heading ability."

- Michael Ballack says a big hello to Chelsea full backs.

"I am ashamed. I am shocked at the way we played. We played like a bunch of drunks. If we keep on playing like this, we will definitely be relegated. The situation is very bad. I felt like crying."

- Yossi Benayoun, drowning his sorrows after West Ham's 0-6 setback at Reading.

"We haven't had an offer for Collins John from Watford . . . there could be an offer today . . . mind, after that miss I wouldn't be surprised if no one wants him."

- Fulham's Chris Coleman - luckily for the player, Coleman isn't his agent.

"I just don't enjoy football any longer. I don't want it to be my profession."

- A weary and worn out Ott Reinumae, the Estonia international, explaining why he's retiring. By the way, he's 22.

Kanu turns own rumour mill

Portsmouth's Kanu seemed on the edge of despair late last week when asked to comment on persistent rumours linking him with a move to Holland. "I don't know who these people are that keep going on about Ajax, Ajax, Ajax," he said. "I haven't even heard from Ajax. I don't know where it's coming from. It's annoying because it's not true." Poor lad.

Although his quote from two days' earlier may have contributed somewhat to the story: "I want to go to Ajax. Portsmouth should be grateful for what I have been able to do for them and allow me to go."

Borat gets on McNeil's nerves

Macclesfield's Matty McNeil is "the man who bears an uncanny resemblance to Borat star Sacha Baron Cohen", said the Sunlast week, revealing, exclusively, that the defender is known by his team-mates as, yep, Borat. Having studied photos of both men for a lengthy period we struggled to see the likeness ourselves, but we're not alone - Matty insists he doesn't see Borat staring back at him when he looks in the mirror.

"The Borat thing is just lads' banter, rubbish banter if you ask me. That's their stupid mentality," he said, in a warm tribute to his team-mates. "It just gets your back up because you are thinking 'what are you on about?' You are out on the pitch and you hear 'Borat!' when you are trying to concentrate. Your team-mates are calling you Borat and the other team always start laughing. I don't like it, it's silly."

We can take it, then, that NcNeil won't be declaring for Kazakhstan.