CRICKET: The cries of "game over" came when England's captain, Andrew Flintoff, attempted a lumbering sweep at Daniel Vettori and was bowled behind his legs, but that was just a formality, the need to retain a sense of decorum until the tragic leader leaves the stage. In truth, the game has been up for weeks. England, thoroughly demoralised, subsided to a 58-run defeat against New Zealand last night and no one was surprised in the slightest.
To reach the Commonwealth Bank finals, England must now beat Australia in Sydney on Friday and New Zealand in Brisbane next Tuesday, but it is a forlorn hope. Michael Vaughan, who did not risk his hamstring injury to return to the captaincy here, should continue to err on the side of caution.
New Zealand's 318 for seven was the first time they had made 300 in an ODI against England, and they were propelled there by an abysmal England tally of 22 wides and three no-balls - making 23 extra deliveries - with the chief culprits being the makeshift new-ball pairing of Chris Tremlett and Liam Plunkett.
The parents of one England player, while holidaying in Perth, had been heard to complain that the chief problem with England cricket was that the players were not paid enough compared with the Australians. If the team could display such breathtaking audacity, they would never lose another match.
Predictably, they could not. England shuffled Ed Joyce and Andrew Strauss in the batting order and, if Joyce's orderly 66, from 82 balls, advanced his claims as a World Cup opener, Strauss remained downcast at number four. Vettori was squeezing the life out of England's reply, just as his fellow left-arm spinner, Monty Panesar, had done on a turning surface earlier in the day. In desperation, Strauss bounded down the pitch, misread the flight, nutmegged himself and was stumped.
Others also found no release from their mental torture. Mal Loye produced another identikit innings: launch the trademark slog-sweep for six, this time against Shane Bond, and then edge a drive at a wide one. Ian Bell tried to be assertive, but hit the ball in the air so often that his demise for 31, chipping Jeetan Patel to midwicket, was predictable. Paul Collingwood has been drained of all conviction.
Paul Nixon's best ODI score, a sweepaholic's 49 from 47 balls, at least denied New Zealand a bonus point. He fell to the last ball of the innings, denied a maiden ODI half-century by a brilliant low catch by Jacob Oram at deep square.
Once again England's bowlers floundered against the immense frame of Oram. New Zealand hearts skipped a beat later when Oram dived to catch Joyce off a Patel no-ball and left the field clutching his ribs. He returned to field later with no ill effects - as Nixon discovered - but did not bowl as a precaution.
With Jimmy Anderson and Jon Lewis still unfit, England's new-ball attack faltered. Lou Vincent, Nathan Astle's replacement, benefited most. He struck 76, but struggled against Panesar and had used 111 balls by the time he chipped to short midwicket.
Tremlett was deeply unimpressive. His diffident bowling and lackadaisical boundary fielding should end his chances of selection in England's World Cup party.
