A claustrophobic weight of expectation hung over Michael McKillop like a pall. For two nights the last thing he saw before turning out the light was his room-mate Jason Smyth’s gold medal, resting on a bedside locker. He looked but dared not touch.
On a sweltering Sunday afternoon at the Olympic stadium in Rio the 26-year-old Newtownabbey man slowly released that pent-up anxiety in a measured display of middle distance running to claim the T37 1,500 metres title. His fourth Paralympics gold medal to go with those of Beijing (800 metres) and London (800 metres and 1,500 metres).
“Whenever you go to bed two nights in a row and Jason [Smyth] has got his [gold medal] on the bedside table, it’s a hard one to take. I think everyone around us went and looked at the medal.
“I avoided it at all costs. I had it in my head that I was going to lift my own medal, my gold medal.
“That’s what I was waiting for; I looked at his from afar but didn’t want to go near it.”
In the end, he won as he pleased, his lengthening stride down the far straight, emitting a vapour trail of despair for his chief pursuer, shattering the resolve of the gutsy, Canadian tyro and former footballer, Liam Stanley, a novice in athletics terms.
McKillop knew that he had the race won with 80 meters to go having forged what he knew to be an unbridgeable gap.
Victory celebration
The victory celebration – he grabbed a Brazilian flag to honour the hosts and performed a little jig to the delight of the locals – concealed an inner torment and insecurity borne of injury and illness in the months leading up to the Paralympics.
The dam of emotion manifested itself in the tears as he spoke about “dark days”.
“I’ve come through a really tough time and I’m just glad that I was able to go out and win. I had to stay focused and realise what life is about; it’s not just about winning gold medals, it’s about living and being proud to live the life that I have.
“I’m very lucky. I’ve travelled the world and experienced a lot of things and competed against able-bodied people that don’t get to go Olympic Games.
“Five weeks ago I went to the able-bodied Scottish Championships and ran 4.30. I came across the line flat out and couldn’t get out of bed for the next couple of days. I was rock bottom.
“I struggle a lot with B12 [deficiency issues] over my life, iron levels and things like that but I’ve got a good team back home and they make sure I get the right stuff and I’m keeping on top of that and looked after. I think Paralympics Ireland have been great help as well.
“Nobody knows but I had a foot problem for the last three and a half months. I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning without it being really sore. I had to get my foot mobilised every morning in Rio but once again nothing was going to stop me from getting on that start line.
Under control
“I’ve a cyst growing in one of the joints in my foot and my right foot refuses to gather so any time I wake up and my foot hasn’t moved for a time it will be really, really sore but that’s under control now.”
McKillop is already looking ahead to the World Championships in London next year, the Europeans in Berlin and then a curtain call at the Paralympics in Tokyo 2020. “I hope Tokyo will end my career on a fairytale moment.”
He is also determined not to define his running with Paralympic parameters; he wants to compete against the best in an able-bodied environment and running sub 3.50 for the 1,500 metres.
“That honestly is my dream. To prove to people Paralympic sport is getting bigger in Ireland and showcasing that. It doesn’t matter that I have a disability, as I said I competed in able-bodied races back in the day; represented Ireland in 2009.
“I want to get back to where I was then, to be competing the best in Ireland. I’m a proud Paralympic athlete but competing able-bodied keeps me ahead of the rivals and I’ll continue doing that until my career is over.”
In the throes of building a new house with his fiancée Nicole there is one stipulation in terms of the construction. “I think we’ll have a trophy room and it will be my man cave; I’ll have all my Paralympic medals sitting there,” he said.
The last thing that Smyth said to his great friend and room-mate as he left for the track was that it was McKillop’s “time to shine”.
He did so in the brilliant Brazilian sunshine.
