Motty in a muddleHearty thanks to Darren who emailed us what we reckon must be the quote of Euro 2004 so far. It's England v Croatia, you-know-who has just scored his second goal, John Motson almost falls out of his commentary box, and breathlessly declares: "Roooooooney!!! Is there nothing he can do?!!"

(Close contender, courtesy of the peerless Dangerhere.com: Johnny Giles blaming falling standards in world football on today's children having "personal stereos and higher education".)

Euro talk

"Gary Neville has really demonstrated his manhood."

- Alan Mullery, one of radio station TalkSport's Euro 2004 pundits, attempts to compliment Neville's form for England.

"England's head coach demonstrated his sense of humour by sending on Phil Neville to replace Frank Lampard. It was like a painter and decorator taking over from Michelangelo to finish off the Sistine ceiling. Marvellous."

- Meanwhile, Mick Dennis (Daily Express) picks on Gary's little brother.

Reporter: "How would you compare Pele and Wayne Rooney?"

Luiz Felipe Scolari (Portugal coach): "One is black, the other is white. I think Rooney is a good player, but Pele? There will only ever be one in the world. You couldn't even make another with a computer."

"It's kill or be killed."

- Luis Figo, armed and dangerous going into the England game.

Reporter: "What will you do if Dick Advocaat suggests taking Robben off against Latvia?"

Wim van Hanegem (Dutch assistant coach): "I'll hit him."

Only a mind game

If they lose to Portugal tonight just how much of a blow will it be to England? Fasten your seatbelts and read the thoughts of Phillip Hodson (of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy), as they appeared in yesterday's London Independent: "I fear a cruel and destructive despair . . . the mood in the country is febrile but brittle. The people are disenchanted over Iraq, the euro, not to mention the French-penned constitution. They remain in search of a rallying identity. Football is the most popular unifying language because it offers the possibility of a meaningful victory over Europe. So if instead the Europeans beat us, and worst of all, if a small package holiday country that was a basket-case dictatorship until 1968, gives us a bloody nose, the message is horribly clear. Our country is not so special after all. Great England is Little England, and our history is ending."

Might be an idea for David Beckham to use the above as his pre-match speech to the lads, just in case they think it's only a game.

Leeds sign striker!

Spare a thought for any Leeds fans who rushed out yesterday to get "Rooney" printed on the backs of their beloved white shirts. Hardly their fault: after all, the club's official website had announced that "England's Greatest Ever Striker Signs For Leeds!".

(The small print: "Leeds United Ladies have today confirmed that striker Karen Walker, who holds the record for the most goals scored for England Women's Team, will sign from Doncaster Rovers Belles.")

More Euro talk

"I know when you hit the goal you score points - and that everyone falls down."

- Serena Williams, during a Wimbledon rain-break, explains the rules of football (Football 365).

"His famous right foot has seen about as much action as Ray Charles' piano during the last fortnight."

- Oh dear. The Daily Mirror has a pop at David Beckham.

"For a lad of 18, he is just incredible. I'm not known for flattering modern day footballers - David Beckham has never impressed me - but Rooney's got everything."

- And George Best has a go at Beckham too. We're beginning to hope he single-handedly obliterates Portugal.

Italians out . . .

"I can't help but say: 'Ha!'. The Italians are out, having talked before the tournament about whom they would meet in the final."

- Denmark's Martin Laursen, gutted to see Italy go.

"I am shocked by the result (Sweden 2, Denmark 2), bitter and slightly embarrassed, not for me but for them . . . I can't believe that two nations like Denmark and Sweden who pride themselves on morality could do such a thing under the eyes of the watching world. Someone should be ashamed and it's not us."

- Italian goalkeeper Gianluigi Buffon, hiding his disappointment well.

"Even if eternity brings an ice age, and a new world arises from that ice age, and that world burns down, even then a Luigi or a Pietro will sneak up behind us Scandinavians and scream: '2-2?!'."

- Simon Bank, writing in Swedish newspaper Aftonbladet - never mind Luigi or Pietro, try Gianluigi.