Baying for KeaneSpotted on the ebay.com auction website: a Republic of Ireland number six shirt with "Keane" on the back. "Brand new . . . perfect condition . . . excellent quality," says the blurb. "Serious bidders only," it goes on, before warning off any "negative feedback".
Wouldn't you think the FAI would just ring the fella and ask him if he wants to come back, rather than using ebay as an intermediary?
Bargain item
Also spotted on ebay: a pair of Burnley sunglasses for £4.99 (with claret and blue stripes and "Burnley" inscribed on the lenses). Slow down, slow down - you have another eight days to put in a bid.
Rooney gets an earful
You might have seen recently that Wayne Rooney got himself in to a bit of bother in a nightclub, when he allegedly spat at Nicola Sunenberry after she allegedly insulted him. We half-assumed that Sunenberry had annoyed Rooney by referring to his allegedly ample girth, but no: noting the shape of his ears, she allegedly told him he looked like the FA Cup. Greater Manchester Police are continuing their inquiries, but privately are said to believe Sunenberry had a point.
Quotes of the week
"When a goalkeeper makes a save you have to see what would have happened if the ball had gone in to classify it as a great save." - David James, only a wet week at Manchester City and already he's sounding Keeganesque (Dangerhere.com).
"Had we not got that second goal the score might well have been different." - David "no flies" Pleat.
"It is hard to imagine Crouch scoring his second had he not scored his first." - A Birmingham Post reporter doing a mighty fine David Pleat impression (Private Eye).
"You can't fart here without Birtles or Clough's names being mentioned." - Joe Kinnear, tired of old Nottingham Forest ghosts.
"I'm sure Roberto Carlos will be sh**ing himself about the prospect of Trigger running at him with two dodgy hamstrings." - Jason McAteer, naturally.
Beckham logic
Aidan "B" emailed us with this and promised he hadn't made it up. Here goes: Real Madrid played Valencia last week. Real Madrid were two points ahead of Valencia before the game. The match finished 1-1. Cue post-match Spanish television interview with David Beckham. Reporter: "You are still are two points ahead of Valencia?" Beckham: "No, three - we got a point tonight."
Celtic Unionists
Our man in Brussels (a big hello and an even bigger thank you to Conor Leeson, founder of the Brussels Celtic Supporters' Club) got in touch last week to tell us about a local second division club, Union Saint-Gilles, where a group supporters have recently set up "a mini fan-club to support Celtic as well". At this point we should inform you that Union Saint-Gilles' nickname is Les Unionistes and the cover of a recent club fanzine was emblazoned with "Once a Unionist, Always a Unionist", leaving the Celtic supporters no real option other than to call themselves the "Unionist Bhoys". As Conor put it, "Can you imagine the reception they'd get if they turned up at Celtic Park with that on a banner? Or Ibrox, for that matter?"
Chant of the week
"Face like a donkey, you've got a face like a donkey."
- Leeds supporters at Old Trafford likening Ruud van Nistelrooy to Neddy (to which Manchester United fans replied: "One Peter Ridsdale, there's only one Peter Ridsdale." They love each other really).
More quotes of the week
"Remember Danny Cadamarteri? He was the new Wayne Rooney before Rooney came along." - A Dangerhere.com contributor spots pundit supreme Alan Smith getting his past, present and future in a muddle.
"In the past people looked at me and the first word they would think was: 'idiot'." - Birmingham's Robbie Savage (the next words were: "silly hair-do").
"I joined City on the recommendation of friends without actually seeing them play." - David James. It's the last time he'll listen to Steve McManaman.
"For me the Premiership is more important because the Champions League is like bingo - you can win or lose everything in two games."
- Claudio Ranieri, after Arsenal clicketty-clicked Chelsea's title hopes at the weekend.
Goa goal fever
There were more than a few comical aspects to last week's tale from Goa, where promotion rivals Curtorim Gym and Wilfred Leisure won their games 61-1 and 55-1. Not least, Wilfred Leisure were a little stunned at full-time to discover they'd missed out on promotion on, eh, goal difference. All four teams involved were, of course, promptly suspended for a year by the Goa Football Association, which had a hunch the defeated teams, Sangolda Lightning and Dona Paula, weren't exactly giving it 110 per cent.
Dona Paula, for example, scored four own goals and persistently passed the ball to their opponents. They weren't helped either by their goalkeeper, tired of the booing from the crowd, wandering up field and leaving a defender to go in goal. Best of all, though, was the post-match comment of referee Benjamin Silva, from the Curtorim-Sangolda match. Curtorim led only 1-0 at half-time, but went on to score 60 goals in the second. Silva told BBC News Online that this suggested to him there was "something was fishy" going on. No!
Cunningham gets flash
According to the Sunday Mirror, the players' car-park at Birmingham City is an interesting sight. Sandwiched between a Bentley (belonging to Robbie Savage) and an Aston Martin (Matthew Upson) is a six-year-old Ford Mondeo. The owner? Kenny Cunningham. Flash Harry.
Keeping fight alive
We've been enjoying the war of words between Germany's number one and two goalkeepers, Bayern Munich's Oliver Kahn and Arsenal's Jens Lehmann, all the time wondering if these fellas room together when they're away on international duty.
Lehmann, of course, thinks he should be Rudi Voeller's first choice, while Kahn reckons his rival is "kindergarten level". Lehmann says Kahn is error-prone, Kahn says the Arsenal man just has a big mouth. In fairness, Lehmann was almost nice about Kahn's form at World Cup - "I told him in Japan 'you played great . . . except in the final' ".
Last week you probably read that Lehmann referred to Kahn's "24-year-old girlfriend", for whom Kahn left his pregnant wife, in an interview with Kicker magazine, as if this might be another reason why Voeller should drop him. When confronted by a German newspaper about his comments, Lehmann denied he said anything of the sort. Kind of. "I never said 24 because I don't know what age she is."
That's alright then.
