There are some things that are delightful about the All Blacks. They have a “no dickhead” policy. “Dickheads” are energy sappers, they distract and are knuckleheads. Dickhead: ‘A stupid, irritating or ridiculous man.’
Presumably they police it themselves, although dickheads semaphore from far away. They are not invisible creatures. The problem is that when All Blacks speak, they can sometimes sound like the thing they do not want to be.
Having lost four of their last five games, a national bout of keening has been taking place
It comes from a naturally acquired immunity to being average, the arrogance of constantly winning. Between 1903 and 2021, New Zealand had a win record of 77.12 per cent in over 600 Test matches.
But having lost four of their last five games, a national bout of keening has been taking place with their flatline performances labelled at home as the Great All Blackout.
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The former lords of rugby have become a punching bag for anyone willing to tear a hamstring with a roundhouse kick. Ireland’s 2-1 series win is what really had them retching.
Still, New Zealand captain Sam Cane was reassuringly chilled, or in denial, this week with his go forward face and heading into the Rugby Championship and South Africa in their first match in Nelspruit on Saturday. The Championship has become a kind of basic rugby celebrity rehab dash, the recovery programme expected to be complete before RWC 2023.
“In the last Test [against Ireland] we lost by 10 points (32-22) but we let them score two rolling maul tries, which for an All Black pack is something we don’t see as acceptable,” said the captain.
Ireland’s win was all New Zealand’s fault. It had little to do with Andy Farrell and his team. The score was a function of New Zealand not playing to their level because when they do there is no reasonable way Ireland would win. All Blacks have been programmed never to feel inferior, never to question their superiority, never to doubt they are inherently better than every other team. Is that not a little dickheadish?
“That’s right in front of my nose and it’s pissing me off…,”said former captain and commentator Justin Marshall on New Zealand radio. It’s what we build our mana, our foundation, on in All Blacks rugby. We are about winning every test.”
Gut feeling
There is little sense of that attitude being rigorously nurtured within the Irish squad, now ranked the best rugby team in the world. Ireland’s is a more cautious agreement with the number-one ranking, a gut feeling it might be temporary and in the long run flattering but just a number at a certain point in time. New Zealand, though, expect to be there always.
Maybe it is because Ireland have never backed it up in a World Cup. In that sense, Ireland’s less brash world domination comes from a place of not believing, not truly believing. It is not a space Irish players appear to occupy with real comfort just as being guarded and defensive, although laced with self regard, is not the posture we are used to seeing the All Blacks adopt.
The best in the world: for Ireland it is an achievement, for the All Blacks it is a familiar place of occupation.
But with all of Ireland’s World Cup quarter-finals piling up, a year out and rugby’s rehab clinic has patients with less psychological baggage. There has never been an Irish role-model team. The culture to get Ireland beyond that barrier has not been available, not to this team now, not to Joe Schmidt and not to Brian O’Driscoll and his generation.
Serena Williams, for all her historic domination of tennis, is a piece of work, a diva and in her prime was rarely beaten. Like the All Blacks, her defeats were due to not playing to her capabilities. It was rarely the opponent being better. They couldn’t be better. In the past it has been accompanied by a lack of grace, the flip side to a burning competitive nature.
In the 2018 US Open, she was warned for receiving illegal coaching from her mentor, Patrick Mouratoglou.
“I have never cheated in my life,” she told umpire Ramos. “You owe me an apology.”
Serena Williams’s attitude is like the All Blacks, the brash certainties, the sense of privilege and position, the real belief in her possession of incredible power
She received a further warning for smashing her racket on the ground, which resulted in a point penalty.
“You stole a point from me,” Williams accused the umpire. When opponent Naomi Osaka claimed the next two games, Williams became Helena Bonham Carter crashing into a scene from a Merchant Ivory film.
“You are a liar,” she said. “You will never be on a court of mine as long as you live. When are you going to give me my apology? Say you are sorry.”
She lost to Osaka. But it worked for her career. Williams’s attitude is like the All Blacks, the brash certainties, the sense of privilege and position, the real belief in her possession of incredible power and turning people to her will.
New Zealand repackage it as mental toughness and there is a knack to that called self-efficacy, an individual’s belief in their capacity to act in the ways necessary to reach their goals. Winning. It influences the power a person has to face challenges competently and make the correct choices.
Sam ‘we let them score two rolling mauls’ Cane knows how it rolls. Without faking it, Ireland can draw faith, be more brashly confident and doggedly territorial about their status. Without being dickheads.
