Months of fretting over being in the World Cup Pool of Death and, sure, in the end it gave us life. “What were we so worried about,” Joe Molloy asked at half-time when Ireland were 26-0 up and cruising, at which point you’d have been concluding that this team is really rather good.
This was no surprise at all to the 20 per cent who chose “feet up, no worries” in Virgin Media’s pre-match poll, remarkably just 2 per cent suffering from the collywobbles and opting for “seriously worried”.
Shane Horgan, you sensed, belonged in the latter category, Joe putting the wind up by reminding him, lest he’d forgotten, that Ireland’s World Cup journey could actually end against Scotland if things went cataclysmically wrong. “Expect the kitchen sink,” he warned.
Matt Williams and Rob Kearney didn’t have their feet up, but while cautious they were confident that even if the kitchen sink came Ireland’s way, they’d cope. They might have been perturbed, though, by the lads having to come from behind so early after losing the battle of the anthems.
It was a whole 63 seconds before Ireland found their flow, James Lowe doing his thing, but then there was a brief ropey spell when, as Scott Hastings put it over on ITV, “Scotland are throwing the kitchen sink at Ireland!” By now, kitchen sinks were featuring heavily.
But then Hugo Keenan scored the first of his tries, the build-up to it prompting a clash of opinions between Hastings and Gordon D’Arcy in the ITV commentary box. “You said exceptional, I say phenomenal,” said Scott.
And on it went, to the point where you’d have been wiping the wonder from your eyes, Ireland pouring Scotland’s hopes down, well, the kitchen sink.
“They have been simply magnificent,” said Mark Pougatch at the break, “that’s why they’re the number one side in the world”. Ian McGeechan’s heart might have been in smithereens, but he couldn’t disagree, the fella left purring by that first-half display.
“We saw their ability to dig deep and grunt,” said Shane back on Virgin Media, by now his feet up on the studio desk and him with not a worry in the world. If he’d been let, he’d have lit a cigar.
Second half and the nation was hardly back on the couch when it was 36-0, a decidedly disgruntled Princess Anne looking like she was about to start chanting “you’re getting sacked in the morning” in Gregor Townsend’s direction.
Scotland did at least chuck a couple of kitchen utensils in Ireland’s direction in the closing stages, scoring a pair of tries, but that was that, Ireland sending them homeward to think again about provoking them with their build-up natter.
At least that’s how Peter O’Mahony saw it. “They were in the press beforehand saying they were going to knock us off and end our streak, how they’d figured us out,” he told Tommy Martin. “I don’t think they did, to be honest with you.”
[ Bluffer’s Guide: How to talk the talk after Ireland’s 36-14 win over ScotlandOpens in new window ]
Rob Kearney was surprised that a fella who’d just won his 100th cap and had booked himself a place in a World Cup quarter-final wasn’t a bit chirpier. “You’d swear someone sprayed a load of slurry over Pete’s garden the way he’s carrying on.”
What about his involvement in that second-half shemozzle? “Ah, he doesn’t take a backward step, he’d fight with his own mother, like,” as Dave Kilcoyne said to Tommy. “Everyone loves him. I love him. I couldn’t love him more.”
Andy Farrell was sharing the love too, specifically for life. “This is proper living now,” he beamed, “if you can’t get excited about that, you might as well not turn up”. Tommy could have been kinder and allowed him to enjoy the moment, instead he only went and reminded him that in seven days’ time it’ll be New Zealand in Paris. Farrell beamed again. Nothing was going to shift him from cloud nine.
Back in the studio, Shane was lost somewhere between “feet up, no worries” and “seriously worried” when he turned his thoughts to the All Blacks. But? “If not now, then when? This is it, this is it now.”
Nothing for it, then, than to throw the kitchen sink at them.
