“Everyone’s been waiting to be served champagne, instead it’s been cold tea,” said Shane Horgan at half-time on Saturday, although that could well have been the curmudgeons’ overall verdict on Ireland’s Six Nations campaign, them reckoning that after the Twickenham defeat the whole shebang could only conclude in an anticlimax. Even if this ended up being only Ireland’s third back-to-back triumph in the tournament’s various incarnations, dating back to when Methuselah was but a twinkle in his parents’ eye.
And, as we know, what’s rare should be regarded as wonderful, Andrew Trimble reminding us again that we’ve become all entitled and sniffy about non-Grand-Slam-winning championships. As Joe Molloy informed anyone who would listen come full-time, “it was not always like this in Irish rugby, these are glory days indeed”.
They are too. But the bulk of the Virgin Media panel were still meh-ish about it all. Rob Kearney: “From an Irish perspective I think it will be remembered as the Grand Slam we let slip.” Joe: “Don’t say that!” Non-curmudgeons: “Would you stop!” Shane: “I won’t be remembering it like that!”
Apart from anything, the post-match celebrations gave us one of Irish rugby’s greatest ever moments, namely Tadhg Furlong bopping up and down furiously while singing “freed from desire, mind and senses purified, freed from desire, na-na-na-na-na, na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na”. Who ever saw that in their crystal ball?
So, enough of your naysaying, trophies of this like aren’t easily come by, so party on.
Liverpool, though, had a Grand Slam of sorts still within their grasp when they headed for Old Trafford on Sunday, where a bite-yer-ankles midfield of Roy Keane and Graeme Souness lay in wait. On punditry duty for ITV, mind, not on the pitch. Graeme exited retirement for the big occasion, his presence on the panel ensuring that Ian “Wrighty” Wright would hardly get in a word.
While Mark Pougatch chatted to Roy, the banner reading “Every single one of us loves Alex Ferguson” appeared over the Corkman’s shoulder, possibly prompting him to pencil “except me” on it during the break.
Then there was a chat with Tyson Fury, with interviewer Gabriel Clarke coming up to his navel, and another with Erik ten Hag, who looked decidedly pale. That could have been from living in Manchester, or the prospect of having to beat Liverpool to keep his job-retaining hopes alive.
Off we went, and there followed a game that was deliciously bonkers, United easing towards a 1-0 half-time lead before Liverpool somewhat altered Erik’s chat at the break with his lads by scoring twice in roughly two minutes.
“RASHFORD, MY GOD! YOU HAVE GOT TO BE AGGRESSIVE IN THIS GAME! FOR UNITED TO TRY TO PLAY OUT FROM THE BACK IN INJURY TIME, IT’S CRIMINAL!”
Roy was calm about it, then. Neither he nor anyone else could have known that Antony possessed a right foot – and would use it to equalise in the dying moments of normal-ish time. Since its arrival at United in the summer of 2022, it had seemed like that right foot had been hidden in a witness protection programme. But it finally broke free.
Thereafter? Well, it got madder, to the point where you’d even be tempted to waffle on about the – trademark alert – “magic of the cup”. The manner of Coventry’s triumph over Wolves on Saturday had already injected a bit of life into the grand auld lady of cup competitions.
Harvey Elliott put Liverpool ahead again, Marcus Rashford stunned Caoimhín Kelleher by getting a shot on target, and then Amad Diallo scored the winner and was sent off for ripping his shirt off. In short, it was a most excellent spectacle.
“Sometimes,” said Pougatch, “don’t bother analysing, just enjoy.” That left Roy, Souey and Wrighty with quivering lower lips, like their presence was entirely needless. But Pougie was right. Sometimes we just need to enjoy and not overthink it. As Furlong put it, “na-na-na-na-na, na-na, na-na-na, na-na-na”. Besides, is there any proof cold tea is less tasty than champagne?
