As working days go, it isn't a bad prospect. Miraculously, the Curragh is bathed in warm sunshine and racing's most famous personality is coming to the Turf Club to appeal against a decision he has publicly condemned as an absolute joke.

Good, juicy stuff. But what we don't know is that the three-and-a-half hours it takes for Frankie Dettori to have his controversial back protector ban upheld is about to become something of a papal marathon.

"Any white smoke?" asks one trainer as the hack pack lounges in the sun. "Give us a break. He hasn't even arrived yet," is the lazy reply.

When he does arrive, all that is needed to complete the happy scene are The Kinks yodelling Sunny Afternoon. A beaming smile and a "good morning" breaks from racing's best-known face. Accompanied by his lawyer, Andrew Coonan, and jockey Kevin Manning, who was to give evidence in Dettori's first appeal against improper riding, Frankie is yet again the sport's happy face.

Speculation as to what effect his outspoken views of Irish stewardom on Channel 4 last Friday might have on the hearings kept conversation ticking over as Dettori entered the Turf Club rooms at 11.00. Hacks with deadlines are an impatient lot, though, and by noon idleness was rising hackles.

"Any white smoke?" asks a Turf Club official. Big on white smoke they are in Kildare. "No!" replies a reporter who is obviously not from Kildare.

12.15 and Frankie emerges for a toilet break. "Still here? It's going to take all day," he grins at the hopeful gazes.

12.35 and a verdict is expected. 12.40 and no verdict. 12.41 and Frankie and Co return to the stewards. 12.42 and Frankie emerges, shakes Manning's hand and reaches for his mobile phone.

The Turf Club chief executive, Cahir O'Sullivan, summarises it for the reporters. "They've confirmed the improper riding, but the days are reduced from five to three," he says. "The second case starts in three minutes."

12.50. The crunch hearing of the day begins. This is what it's all about: can Frankie prove that haemorrhoids are an acceptable reason for defacing an article of clothing.

One hour later, though, and piles jokes are starting to fizz across the Turf Club reception area. "What about a `Piles of problems for Frankie' headline," suggests one worthy.

2.24. Frankie emerges for another toilet break. "Bet you I know what he's checking in there," chortles one member of the pack. "How do you actually spell haemorrhoid," asks another.

2.31. The door opens. Frankie and Andrew Coonan don't look too happy.

2.32. Cahir O'Sullivan confirms the gloomy impressions. "The appeal is rejected. The seven days stand," he announces.

"Let's do it in the fresh air," says Frankie when asked will he answer some questions.

"Very disappointed," he admits. "Andrew did a great job to prove to the panel I wasn't in breach of the rule so I am disappointed that nothing has changed," he adds before rushing off to begin his voyage to the 6.35 race at Windsor.

"Come on Andrew, let's go," he shouts to his lawyer. Ultimately the white smoke has come and gone in minutes.