The Late Late Toy Show remains one of the most Irish of television concepts. If only there was a World Cup for toy shows!
Still, at the actual World Cup on Friday the latest of late late shows broke Welsh hearts. And a little bit of ours, too.
The Toy Department, as a point of note, is a sneery sobriquet often used by news hacks to describe the sports desk, deeming us not really to be proper journalists.
Well, I’d like to see them file a 700-word on-the-whistle match report from a Walsh Cup game in the depths of January. Could they do it on a miserable Wednesday night in windswept Enniscorthy?
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In fact, I’ve a mind to wander over to the news desk right now and make that very point. And honestly, I would, if I was in the office. But I’m not, I’m at home on the couch with a mug of tea and an empty sleeve of chocolate digestives, considering if it is acceptable to order merely biscuits for delivery from SuperValu. So, I’ll just have to deal with the news journos another day. When I’m not quite so busy.
Now, I do accept finding oneself biscuitless midway through the first game of the day is bad planning. So it did make me feel a lot better to discover such birdbrained behaviour can happen anybody, when Ian Rush turned up in the BBC studios having forgotten to wear socks.
That or his short trousers and loafer combo was a nod to that global trendsetter, Jackie Tyrrell. Either way, everybody on the BBC panel – Rush, Ashley Williams and Jürgen Klinsmann – agreed this was a game in which Wales needed to roll up their socks.
“In some ways it is sort of a final,” stated Klinsmann. “You cannot go for a draw, impossible, because then obviously you face England and em ...” The German’s trail-off letting you know what he thought of their chances in that one.
Over on RTÉ’s vast red couch (has it got its own Instagram account yet?), Kevin Doyle and Kenny Cunningham didn’t believe the Red Dragons had the firepower to triumph.
“I think Iran are going to be a lot better than what we saw the first day,” suggested Doyle. “I don’t think Wales have enough to win the game.”
Cunningham nodded: “I’m a bit leaning towards Kevin as well.” And we waited for him to lean towards Kevin.
“I’d love to see them obviously win the game and qualify but I’m a bit uneasy, I gotta be honest.” Perhaps Kenny was now too close to Kevin.
Scoreless at half-time. And still biscuitless, too.
“It’s very tense out there,” said Williams.
Gaby Logan wondered if Rush had managed to calm down.
“No, not really,” he replied.
Klinsmann, sandwiched in between the two former Welsh internationals and carrying the light air of a man on vacation, smiled: “I’m enjoying it.”
If Rushie’s day wasn’t already challenging enough, Logan asked what it was like to miss out on playing at a World Cup.
“It was frustrating,” Rush responded. “Scotland, Republic of Ireland, England they were all going to World Cups. My only regret is that I didn’t play in a major tournament for Wales.”
At which point, to lighten the mood, Logan reminded Rush and Klinsmann of the European Championship qualifier in 1991 when Wales beat Germany 1-0. Rush scored the goal. Afterwards, Rush and Klinsmann swapped shirts.
“Three players asked before the game to change shirts, one of them was Jürgen. It was a pleasure for me to swap shirts with him,” smiled Rush.
Perhaps he gave Klinsmann his socks, too.
Iran battered Wales in the second half before Wayne Hennessey raced from his goal seemingly intent on doing a Baddiel and Skinner-esque Phoenix From the Flames recreation of Harald ‘Toni’ Schumacher’s infamous collision with Patrick Battiston in the 1982 World Cup.
Remarkably, the referee flashes Hennessey a yellow.
“I cannot see how that is not a red card,” said BBC commentator Steve Bower.
Then a VAR check is called. Red.
“When you look at those replays it is hard to argue,” said Darragh Maloney on RTÉ.
Back on BBC, Bower agrees: “It’s the correct decision, it doesn’t matter how Welsh you are, that’s a red card all day long.”
The Welsh hung on valiantly until the 98th minute when Iran got the goal their dominance deserved. They added a second moments later. Given the political situation in Tehran, this was a momentous victory for Iran – the tears in the stand a reminder there are bigger things going on in the world right now than football.
For Wales, it’s England next.
“I always feel Wales are better being underdogs. I don’t think it’s impossible,” suggested Rush.
Before going off to seek out Doha’s finest hosiery and sock merchant.
