Erl with the Pearl Earring
Artist of the Week: We’ll go with Cardiff man Rory O’Keefe who, The Sun told us, has dedicated his painting skills to one man, a Manchester City employee.
“Erling Haaland is my muse,” he said. “I’ve painted him over 100 times in many different ways.”
He has too, placing Haaland in “famous masterpieces and iconic film scenes”, among them Johannes Vermeer’s Girl With A Pearl Earring – or “ERL WITH THE PEARL EARRING,” as The Sun so excellently put it.
He also features in one of Vincent van Gogh’s self-portraits, Barack Obama’s Hope poster and as both Jack and Rose on the bow of the Titanic.
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The Sun asked the question we were all thinking: why?
“Why does anyone paint anything,” Rory replied. “Why did Monet paint water lilies? Why did da Vinci paint the Mona Lisa? Why did cavemen paint animals with faeces in caves?”
There’s no answer to that.
Word of Mouth
“He’s a smart lad and a really good defender – but he loses every header. In England – against those wardrobes in the Premier League – that will be his downfall.”
Wesley Sneijder doubting that Ajax’s Jurrien Timber is lofty enough to cope with, well, wardrobes.
“I don’t think there will be goals in this one – I’m going for one-all.”
Darren Bent leaving TalkSport listeners befuddled.
“Martial drives me mad. He just annoys me looking at him, his miserable face.”
Tim Sherwood being enormously rude about poor Anthony.
“I think David is really multifunctional and a really compete goalkeeper. We are very happy with him.”
Erik ten Hag, speaking about De Gea before last week’s calamity against Seville. After? “Z#!?y!”
“Made in South Africa! Valverde of Uruguay!”
Steve McManaman, after Real Madrid’s Rodrygo scored against Chelsea, in need of an atlas.
Number: 2007
That’s the year 15-year-old Lamine Yamal was born. And he was included in Barcelona’s squad for their game against Atletico Madrid on Sunday. Feeling old? Us too.
Money talks
As Gary Lineker might tell you, people in his sport are well used to being told to ‘stick to football’ and not offer their opinions on other matters. After the response to his comments about Argentina’s currency, Sergio Aguero might now be tempted to heed that advice.
The retired striker shared his views recently on this currency matter, suggesting that Argentina should ditch the peso and switch to dollars. “I would say that the peso should go to hell. Let everyone earn their salary in dollars. It is a currency that is used in all countries. Where did the peso take us? Nowhere!”
How did this go down with journalist Pablo Duggan, who surely could play for Ireland, when he spoke on his radio show? Pull up a chair. From Marca:
“He is speaking from his place as a multimillionaire. He has not been paid in pesos for 20 years. He sh*ts on the peso! But how many Kun Agueros are there? How can his finances compare with one of the guys who cleans windows? To use his fame to give that message to the poor people of Argentina is dangerous! He needs a bang on the head! He is a son of a bitch, that’s the truth!”
Sergio is possibly sorry he ever spoke.
Goals are like ketchup
2010: “Ruud van Nistelrooy told me that goals are like ketchup. Sometimes as much as you try, they don’t come out, and then they come all of a sudden.” – Gonzalo Higuain.
2010: “Goals are like ketchup. Sometimes as much as you try, they don’t come out, and when they come, many come all at same time.” – Cristiano Ronaldo.
2012: “Trying to score goals is like trying to get ketchup out of the bottle – you keep hitting and nothing comes out, and then all of a sudden you score twice.” – Gianluca Vialli.
2019: “You know that bottle of ketchup that you squeeze when it never comes out? But when it suddenly comes there’s loads.” – Ole Gunnar Solskjaer.
Last week: “I once heard Ronaldo say that goals are like ketchup, it really stuck in my mind all these years.” – Diogo Jota.
And after going 32 games without a goal, Jota has now scored four goals in his last two. It’s true, goals are ketchup.
