Last week’s quirkiest legal battle involving a footballer? Undoubtedly Kylian Mbappé's lawyers giving kebab shop owner Mohamed Henni eight days to remove the player’s name from the description for one of his, well, kebabs – and if he failed to do so, they would take him to court.
That description – “Klüb Kebab: Round baker’s bread, as round as Mbappe’s skull. Chicken (100% thigh) marinated with Tex-Mex spices as good as your ex’s. Tomato and red onion salad otherwise it’s a red card.”
How did Mohamed react to the threat? Rather angrily. “Are you not ashamed? You have nothing else to do? Suing me for something so futile? It is incredible. I can’t believe it,” he wrote on Instagram.
But presumably Mohamed bowed to the threat and removed Mbappé's name? Well, no. He dug his heels in. “Mbappe attacks more in the court than on the pitch. Now I’m going to change the description and say that the bread is as round as ‘his big hazelnut head’. Or bread as round ‘as the Ballon d’Or you’ll never get’. You’ll never win it. I’ll go all the way! All the way to the trial. You say that football has changed, but it’s you who has changed Kylian. It’s you who’s forgotten where you come from. You’ve forgotten your values.”
This could be the trial of the century.
Apology of the week
We’ll go with the one issued by MLS club Minnesota United for the expression they used when they announced they will host St Patrick’s Athletic in Saint Paul in a friendly on March 20th.
“Our capital city has long had a strong connection to its Irish heritage,” they said on their website. “It goes back to the very beginning, way back in the 1800′s, when Irish soldiers from Fort Snelling ventured away from the fort and settled in what is now downtown Saint Paul ... this year, Minnesota United is excited to play a special role in this cultural connection, as we welcome St Patrick’s Athletic of the League of Ireland for an international friendly.”
And? “Tiocfaidh Ár Lá: Our Day Will Come.”
No, really.
Soon after: “[We] unknowingly used a divisive expression. We deeply regret this error and apologise to those we have offended with our careless mistake.”
Quote of the Week
“Totti loves pineapple on pizza.” – A Brighton banner at last week’s Europa League game against Roma which cast the ultimate slur on the Italians’ beloved legend Francesco.
Number: 8
That’s the record number of times Katie McCabe has now been booked in the WSL this season (in 15 games). She’s keeping that ‘Did Katie McCabe get a yellow card today?’ Twitter account busy.
Word of Mouth
“The Christian Eriksen we all know is no longer there. Christian Eriksen doesn’t play football any more. Christian Eriksen sits on the bench and watches football. Christian Eriksen as we know him, he is no more.” – How pleased was former Danish international Thomas Gravesen to see Eriksen included in the latest Denmark squad? Not very.
“You can’t call him out because he’s England captain. He is a prolific diver and gets away with it week in, week out. The worst I’ve ever seen. Brilliant player, wonderful goalscorer, got everything, but he’s a diver.” – Chris Sutton suggesting that Harry Kane has some trouble staying on his feet.
“John loves a party. When he goes, it’s bottles. It’s no mixers, it’s just a bottle of tequila, a bottle of jaeger and he’ll just drink that straight. Just ‘give me the bottle’ and he drinks it.” – Kyle Walker on John Stones’s preferred tipples. Stones was, no doubt, chuffed with his team-mate revealing all.
“We have to be responsible. There will be two nutritionists who will control what the players are going to eat. We drink water, orange juice, no alcohol, not eat too much, eat protein. Green salad, no fries.” – Mauricio Pochettino on the team-bonding barbecue he planned for his players last Friday ahead of their FA Cup game against Leicester. Poor lads probably needed to pick up a takeaway on the way home.
“I have been in the game long enough now to know when to rein it in and when not to rein it in. I was annoyed about the yellow card against Accrington because it was avoidable. It was stupid on my behalf but emotion can sometimes get the better of you. I have got one game to go [before the cut-off point for a ban] and obviously the aim is not to get booked.” – James McClean after picking up his ninth booking of the season, leaving him one short of a two-game ban. His next game? He was booked and picked up a two-match ban.
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