So here were Portugal, fine-tuning their Euro 2024 preparations. Well for some. Our boys’ presence in Aveiro felt a little like folk being invited to the dress rehearsal for a wedding but not to the actual do, instead having to settle for watching a live-streaming of the occasion. Which is what we’ll all be doing for a month from Friday, with zero skin in the game.
Not to labour the wistful point or anything, or over-mangle the metaphors, us being football’s equivalent of a sparring partner ahead of a heavyweight contest for which we’ll only have a ringside telly seat, but Wednesday week will be the eighth anniversary of our last game at a major tournament. Rhasidat Adeleke was 13.
“After tonight it’s Germany and the European Championships for Portugal, but it’s the beach for Ireland,” said Darragh Maloney, rubbing it in.
But new beginnings, the pack shuffled a bit, a few fresh faces, among them James McClean who was making his RTÉ debut. Straight off Darragh asked the 35-year-old if he felt he’d retired from international duty too soon. He thought he had all right, his hunch confirmed when he saw Portugal’s line-up, 80 the combined age of two of their starters, Cristiano Ronaldo and Pepe. By then James would have felt like he belonged in a creche.
Should John “Interim” O’Shea be made John “Permanent” O’Shea? One hundred per cent was James’s verdict, describing the rather lengthy gaffer-seeking process as “farcical”. He wasn’t bigging up Sheasie too much, mind, “I’m not saying he’s Pep Guardiola”, but he reckoned he had something over the 8,793 names linked thus far with the job – he actually wanted it. And that’s always a good start.
Speaking of starts. Jake O’Brien was making his first for Ireland, the Cork man talking to Cork man Tony O’Donoghue ahead of the game, him coming over as a decidedly solid young fella. Jake, not Tony, but him too. This is a small thing but is this couch alone in thinking the telly people talk about “Jacob Ryan” when referring to the Lyon defensive kingpin? No matter.
Somehow, RTÉ persuaded Ronnie Whelan to abandon his Speedos and a Mediterranean beach to accompany Des Curran in the commentary box for the game, Ronnie often sounding quite irritated by World Cup finals never mind end-of-season friendlies in Aveiro.
In fairness he tried to sound enthusiastic, for the first four minutes at least, urging the team to rediscover the art of putting opponents “under presha”. And they were doing grand until ...
15th minute, Ronnie: “João Félix is one of those players who looks very good but he’s not very effective in a game.. he just does not seem to do it.”
18th minute: João Félix scores.
It would, of course, be wrong to entirely blame Ronnie for that opener, Ireland’s defending of Portugal’s corner a bit, well, on the non-existent side, but still.
“It’s backs against the wall stuff,” said Stephen Kelly at half time, James slumped in his seat beside him, possibly regretting ditching his Speedos and a Mediterranean beach for this punditry lark. It fell to Stephen, though, to analyse Ireland’s attacking threat, at the request of Darragh, the segment ending as soon as it started.
Second half. Ronaldo, basically. “Wot a shot, wot a finish, 39 years of age, great goal,” said Ronnie when the jinking pensioner bamboozled Liam Scales and inserted the ball in the Irish net. And then he made it 3-0, bringing his tally to just the 130 goals in 207 caps. He’s still no Lionel Messi, though. (Running for the hills).
“It just looked like a fatigued performance devoid of confidence and belief, really,” said James, him feeling a bit the same after watching it.
So Portugal are off to Germany, our lads are off on their hols, their next bout of international duty not until September when they host Euro 2024 champions-elect England in Dublin. Will they have a permanent gaffer by then? Who knows, but with any luck Rhasidat Adeleke won’t be collecting her pension by the time white smoke billows from the Abbotstown chimneys.
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