You know the way some clubs refund their supporters after they pay out to travel to an away game, only to witness a performance of execrable proportions?
You’d wonder, then, would Sky consider reimbursing those of us who tuned in to Rangers v Celtic on Sunday? A “derby of dross”, as Chris Sutton described it, and to be honest that was being generous.
Worse, the channel-switching resulted in missing a good chunk of Ireland’s seven tries at the Rugby World Cup, while, somehow, missing none of Spain’s five. It was a luckless afternoon, then, in front of the telly.
But the Ibrox affair was kind of irresistible, the intrigue centring on whether there’d be an actual attempt to score by either side over the course of the 90-ish minutes.
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“Russell Martin said he was disappointed not to win the game, but you actually have to have a shot on goal to win a game,” Sutton pointed out after hearing the Rangers gaffer bemoan his side’s luck after the very scoreless draw. In truth, Sutton was being harsh – Rangers had four shots on goal, although, admittedly, none was directed between the posts nor under the crossbar.
“Not a game for the purists,” said our presenter Eilidh Barbour, who would have struck gold if there were an Olympics for understatements. What do the two clubs need to improve their fortunes? “Celtic need new players, Rangers need a miracle,” Sutton said, and no one in the studio disagreed.
Scottish football, if you think about it, is now probably where Irish women’s rugby was four years ago: in the depths. So, our bunch securing a slot in the quarter-finals of the 2025 World Cup, having not even qualified for the last one, by beating a nation that caused them no little pain in the past? Rejoice.
But. The best thing about Lindsay Peat is that she resists waving green, white and gold inflatable bananas in the RTÉ studio if a performance leaves her a little underwhelmed – as the one against Spain did, Ireland seemingly hell-bent on allowing them back in to the game every time it looked like they were pulling comfortably away.
“We are the orchestrators of our own downfall,” she said at the break after the concession of two first half tries. Jacqui Hurley described the game going from 12-0 to 12-12 to 24-12 as “an emotional rollercoaster”. It was too – a solid start to the half, an impressive ending, but a squidgy middle.
Lindsay’s mood is always readable by how low she’s slumped on her Montrose couch; Darren Cave and Niamh Briggs were a bit more upright, but a little concerned too.
Three more Spanish tries in the second half added to the frettin’, Lindsay nigh on under the couch come full-time even if Ireland won 43-27. Then having to watch New Zealand, Ireland’s opponents next weekend, help themselves to 10 tries against Japan didn’t ease concerns. But, look it, already through to the last eight, that’s a whole different world to 2021. Happy out.
Liverpool ended the day in a similarly satisfied manner, beating Arsenal with a Dominik Szoboszlai free-kick of a reasonably decent quality. It was, to be honest, possibly the only moment of quality in a game that had much the same calibre as, say, Ireland v Egypt at Italia 90, despite the combined cost of the Premier League teams topping the GDP of half the planet’s nations. Well, ish.
Roy Keane’s forehead had that frustrated furrowed look about it at half-time, his general view being that Liverpool were rubbish and Arsenal were reluctant to score. Full-time? “Winning football matches when you’re not at your very best – that’s what champions do,” he said, doffing his cap to Arne Slot’s crew. But could they win at Grimsby on a wet Wednesday night?
Earlier, we’d seen James Milner score a penalty against Manchester City, Peter Drury rude enough to point out that, combined, Liverpool and Arsenal’s wunderkinds, Rio Ngumoha and Max Dowman, are seven years younger than the Brighton man. Gary Neville is probably dusting down his boots as we speak. Roy too.
Not that they’ll be needed by United after their glorious triumph over Barcelona – no, Burnley – at Old Trafford with that 97th-minute penalty, the team celebrating like they’d won the Champions League.
Kenny Cunningham, on duty at Premier Sports, thought they needed to calm down a little, but when you fail to do it at Grimsby on a wet Wednesday night, why wouldn’t you celebrate like you’d won the World Cup, European Championships, Africa Cup of Nations and Copa América combined by beating Burnley at Old Trafford with an (iffy) 97th-minute penalty in a relegation six-pointer? Happy out.
