On International Rules: The notion that Australia was once a penal colony seems hard to square with the fine weather and open spaces that greet the modern visitor. But on reflection, the sheer remoteness of the outposts cocooned in wilderness and the difficulty of ensuring adequate living supplies must have taxed the hardiest miscreants.
These morose thoughts were vividly brought to mind when trying to find a restaurant on Sunday night in Perth, as the old world arrived for its biennial skirmish in the new.
History of a sort will be made this week, as the first International Rules Test will mark the eighth year of the series since its resumption in 1998, meaning that the revived competition has now outlasted its initial phase, which ran from 1984-90 before being discontinued.
As the international project moves forward into this new territory with public interest holding steady and attendances averaging nearly 100,000 a year for each two-Test series, it's worth looking at where the idea is going in the long run.
Its plus side is obvious: good crowds, a game that at its best is faster and more exhilarating than its constituent parts and, from an Irish perspective, the opportunity for players to test themselves against professionals and sample the life of a full-time footballer.
But despite these successes the international series continues to sway like a drunk on the precipice, with one sudden lurch potentially calamitous.
In 1998, the tentative re-start of the concept left enough optimism glowing in Dublin that the game had a future in Ireland and, if marketed vigorously, would pull the crowds - as had been the case in the 1980s when attendances in the home series considerably outstripped those in Australia.
So the touchstone of progress was going to be Down Under in 1999. The organisation of Australian Rules had been revolutionised since the previous international series and a new body, the AFL, was enthusiastic about the idea in a way that couldn't be said to be true of the old VFL, which had only gazed on in watery approval as a private promotions company marketed the series as "local stars playing Gaelic football".
Australia passed the test in style, selling out Adelaide and getting 65,000 into the MCG six years ago, and so the series has tipped along in the meantime.
Where it stands now, however, isn't crystal clear. We do know Ireland continues to be the more effervescent partner, eliciting greater interest among elite players and media than is the case down here.
The most ominous background noise at the moment is the grumbling that the current Australian selection doesn't deserve the "guernsey". In Perth, for instance, there have been complaints that the successful local West Coast Eagles club hasn't enough representatives in the national squad.
This is partly because coach Kevin Sheedy has a very set idea about which players he wants to play the international game, and consequently the team will have an emphasis on speed, seen as the major cause of last year's humiliation by Ireland.
Sceptics point out - correctly - that every year the Australians announce they have gone for players who suit the game rather than the best AFL performers. This was originally a defensive spin on the fact that so few of the All-Australian award winners took up their guaranteed place in the international selection.
This time it looks different, and for one good reason. This is the first year since 1998 that Australia will be under the direction of an established club coach. Dermott Brereton and Garry Lyon were primarily media figures, although both had enjoyed distinguished playing careers.
Sheedy is different in that he has an established record as one of the AFL great coaches, with four Premierships under his belt with Essendon. He is far more likely to have picked a panel with precise tactical requirements in mind than his predecessors.
But that's not the full story, because every year, and to a far greater extent than is the case with Ireland, players drop out who might otherwise be automatic picks. Sometimes this is to do with injury, but other times it reflects what appears to be a reluctance to sacrifice two weeks of annual leave.
Australia have no players like Séamus Moynihan, Anthony Tohill or currently Seán Martin Lockhart and Ciarán McManus who have excelled over long periods in the game. Their best players - Wayne Carey, Nathan Buckley, Shane Crawford, James Hird - have tended to ration their appearances, and, of their captains since 1998, only Crawford has played more than two series.
The problem facing the series is that Ireland place more emphasis on it as a competitive event, whereas for the Australians it is more of an exhibition. Their players are naturally competitive, but the public at large view the series as more of a sideshow than is the case in Ireland.
The series is hemmed in by two major constraints. Given that there are only two contestants, it won't survive an even short period of domination by one country. Second, it has to keep pulling in the crowds.
With conservative opinion - a natural constituency within indigenous games around the world - in both countries hostile and at best indifferent to the international dimension, the popular appeal is the game's biggest strength.
As former Australian and now Brisbane coach Leigh Matthews said in this newspaper at the weekend, if the crowds stop coming, the international game is in trouble.
Australian commentators frequently have difficulty in understanding that the game isn't Australian Rules and isn't Gaelic football but a combination.
Therefore to criticise the game and its selections exclusively from an AFL point of view - that the best Rules players aren't involved - misses the point.
But they don't have the GAA luxury of seeing by and large their best players making up the team on an annual basis.
If Australia have to work hard to configure a team with a chance of winning, they can't be blind either to the promotional requirement of fielding big AFL names. The further down the celebrity list they go for international players the more the allure of the whole idea suffers.
In Ireland, however, once the team remains competitive, the crowds will come.
Australia demands more stardust.
That's why these Tests will be pivotal. If Sheedy has put together an effective team without catering for the box office, will it prove successful? On the other hand, if Ireland win convincingly, where do the AFL go from here in formulating future challenges?
Given all the necessary checks and balances, it's faintly miraculous that the show is still on the road with the 11 series since 1984 almost evenly divided, 6-5, in Ireland's favour.
Where the road takes us from here may well be fascinating but its direction isn't guaranteed.