World Cup TV View: 'We have another take to break," said Michael Lyster at half-time in the Armagh v Donegal game yesterday, when we briefly swapped codes. We wouldn't even have noticed the error if it wasn't for Joe Brolly advising him to take his time and try again.
All we could assume was that Michael, very much like ourselves, had been sitting in front of his telly for a whole month watching football and, consequently, very much like ourselves, was beginning to lose it. Just as well, then, that our journey was nearly complete, all that was left was the Curld Fup Winal.
Forza France, Allez Italy, the teams we had tipped to reach the final, if Brazil, Argentina, Germany, Spain, the Netherlands, Ghana, the Czech Republic, Portugal, Mexico, Togo and Angola failed to make it. But when you've watched every minute of the World Cup, apart from those spells where we nodded off during Tunisia v Saudi Arabia and Ukraine v Switzerland, becoming an expert is simply unavoidable.
There have been too many highlights to mention, but up there with the best was Aprés Match's Gary Cooke getting three Costa Rican supporters he stumbled upon in Germany to join in on an impression of TV3's Trevor Welch. It wasn't until that moment, before Saturday's third-place game, that this couch fully understood the meaning of the word "surreal".
And so, to The Big One. A poignant occasion too, a farewell to one of the game's greats whose talent has simply thrilled us over the years. A dieu amongst men. How we'll miss that je ne sais quois on football's biggest stage, but Motty Motson, covering his sixth final, revealed it would probably be his last because his contract with the BBC expires in 2008.
And what of ITV? How come Steve Rider, Tel Venables and Ruud "Also" Gullit were holed up in a London studio for the final, leaving Andy Townsend all alone in Berlin? We were puzzled too, that puzzlement heightened by the revelation in an English paper yesterday that "no one (in ITV) had remembered to book a studio in Berlin from which to broadcast the game". No?!
RTÉ? All present and correct, in Montrose. Well, correct-ish. While the Aprés Match Liamo and Eamo quarrelled furiously before Saturday's game the real Liamo and Eamo had been having a perfectly harmonious World Cup, until they tussled over the issue of whether France had been happy to settle for their 1-0 lead against Portugal in the semi-finals or been utterly outplayed.
Liamo: "France settled for 1-0 against Portugal." Eamo: "I don't agree with that." Liamo: "They settled for 1-0." Eamo: "I don't agree with that, if you don't mind." Liamo: "Well, my point of view is that they settled for the 1-0." Eamo: "Well, when you get a turn to speak you . . ." Liamo: "I just thought I'd join in." Eamo: "Well, I'm telling you . . ."
Billo, sensibly enough, sent both boys to opposite corners, where they were to remain until they promised to behave.
Back on ITV they were previewing the World Cup final by holding their 76th postmortem on England's demise, the centre piece another EXCLUSIVE interview with Michael Owen. How far had England advanced under Sven? "Well . . ," said Owen, the accompanying grin telling us, as Paul Daniels might put it, "not a lot".
Match time. Motty's up and running. Makelele the object of his desires: "It's like watching someone ironing a shirt, he smoothes out all the wrinkles." "Yeah, he's never pressed, is he?" chuckles Lawro.
Penalty. Penalty? See what this World Cup has done to us? When Malouda fell we just assumed he hadn't been touched, neither by a barge pole nor Materazzi.
"I think it was a slight penalty," Chris Waddle tells us on BBC Five Live.
That's alright then. But Materazzi sorted it. Goal. One-all.
Half-time. "Where's Totti?" asked Gilesie. "Everyone's always looking for Totti," giggled Dunphy. "Now, now," said Bill.
And on we went. If we were weary, after a month of tracking back, we still looked livelier than most of the lads on the pitch. Zidane looked banjaxed, and that was just during La Marseillaise.
Extra-time. As Motty put it when the red card appeared: "OooooooOOOOOooh!!!".
Oh ZZ, no, no, no. But look at it positively, at least he proved he's human, he's capable of acting like a right eejit.
Penalties? Inevitably. Splendid theatre for those on the couch, but what a bleak way to lose the World Cup. Forza Italia, truly, no one celebrates like you.
That's that, then. Just the four years to go. See you in South Africa.
