In fairness to John Inverdale, and it’s not always easy to be fair to the fella, he tried hard to lift Keith Woods’ spirits come full-time, showing him the standings after a whole one game of the new campaign.
And there was Ireland in second, trailing Scotland but leaving England, France, Wales and Italy in their wake. “There is the first table of the 2017 Six Nations ... and there’s a bit of history – a losing bonus point for the first time ever in the Six Nations!”
“Just what I’ve always wanted,” said Keith, his despondency suggesting that losing bonus points are not what his specific rugby dreams are made of, but at least it meant that our lads wouldn’t leave Murrayfield empty-handed, even if Grand Slam (and Triple Crown) dreams had been pulverised.
Calamity
At times like this, it is too easy, of course, to point the finger at one particular person in the search for blame, when the failure is usually collective, and when that one man has given so much to Irish rugby, it’s unacceptable to hold him solely accountable for the calamity in such an unforgiving way. Still, you can only hope Ronan O’Gara learns from his mistakes and doesn’t give Italy something they can Sellotape to their dressing room wall next Saturday.
“I hope Ireland hammer them today because of the way Scotland behaved during the week … too mouthy, but they can’t back it up. We were brought up on the fact that you work hard and then talk afterwards.”
As soon as he uttered the words, you couldn’t but have a sinky feeling in a they’ll-come-back-to-haunt-us kind of way. It’s never helpful vocalising such thoughts, even if you’re bursting to. Very un-Irish too. It’s time to revert to “Ah sure look, we’ll give it everything and hope for the best”.
Smiley head
Back on the BBC, Inverdale spotted Greig Laidlaw having a chat with royalty during the pre-match shindig, and you feared judging by the smiley head on the fella that Princess Ann had just shown him the RTÉ tweet with the clip of mouthy Ronan.
The fate-tempting didn’t even stop there.
Ronan: “For me it’s the key game in the Grand Slam … why not talk about a Grand Slam?”
Brent Pope: “Scotland will be brave, but they’re limited, they don’t know how to win games … I think it’ll be more than seven points … the Grand Slam is a realistic option for Ireland this year.”
It was like the ghost of George Hook predictions was haunting the place.
The only note of caution came from Charlotte on the kids’ rugby panel (not sponsored by Lidl, the other bunch): “It’s way too tight to call.” There’s a chance Charlotte might be sitting to the right of Brent and Shane Horgan next week, with Ronan having to take his place alongside little Dylan and Donncha.
It’s best not to talk about the first half, really, it’d be like fixating on the day you turned up for a history exam only it was chemistry; some things just can’t be undone. Let them go, move on.
‘A nightmare’
“This is a nightmare,” said Brent, understating the magnitude of the horror. That Scottish try from the line-out when Alex Dunbar could have had a cuppa before touching down? “Embarrassing,” Brent sighed. “If George was here it’d be the Willow Park under-13s.”
Back on the kids’ panel Barry Murphy asked Dylan what he’d say to the players at half-time and he suggested, quite excellently, “we need to try much more better”. Inverdale put exactly the same question to Paul O’Connell, but perhaps conscious that this was before the watershed, our former leader chose to focus on tactical matters instead.
Jeremy Guscott, meanwhile, was so impressed by Scotland he accidentally called them England. That went down well with the Tartan Army.
Second half and in no time at all we were checking eBay for tickets for our Grand Slam decider against England. It’s a funny old game. But just as you were about to text your cousin in Cumbernauld (“Ha, ha mouthy, you couldn’t back it up!”), back Scotland came.
“The price of those Ireland v England Grand Slam tickets in Dublin on March the 18th have suddenly plummeted,” Inverdale chuckled, the fella lucky he wasn’t lynched by Keith, or anyone who had won their eBay auction midway through the second half.
“I’m devastated,” said Brent, “Ronan and I had dreams of a Grand Slam.”
Keith had dreams and songs all set to sing too, but it wasn’t to be. So close, though. “On such fine margins, a left cheek in to touch,” he said of the moment the Rob Kearney-created ‘try’ was ruled out.
All round, a bummer of a day. We need to try much more better next week. And be less mouthy.
