We probably all have those moments at some point or another that give us pause, that compel us to reflect on the choices we make, maybe even prompt us to entirely re-evaluate our lives. One such moment arose on Saturday afternoon when the fourth official held up his board to signify that there would be six added minutes in the FA Cup clash of Sutton United and AFC Wimbledon, the viewers having already lost 90 from their time on earth that they will never recoup.
It wasn’t eir Sport’s fault though. Looking at their cup menu for the afternoon – Sutton v Wimbledon on eir Sport 1 and Barrow v Rochdale on eir Sport 2 – you’d half a notion they didn’t have first dibs on the third round. What could be said for their picks, though, is that they featured four teams and managers who didn’t regard the competition as some might view, say, a verruca. You know, a pesky irritation.
This might be where Paul Merson went wrong when Jeff Stelling asked him earlier on Sky Sports for his tips for FA Cup glory this year; he assumed everyone wanted to win the cup.
“Give us three teams that you might have a couple of quid on,” said Jeff (which possibly wasn’t the best-framed query to a man whose gambling addiction cost him £7 million).
“Everton, definitely,” said Merse. “Stoke – and I would go Bournemouth.”
Results: Everton 1, Leicester 2. Stoke 0, Wolves 2. Millwall 3, Bournemouth 0.
Accumulators might have been Merse’s downfall.
Tussle
Anyway, the 96-minute and 12.4-second tussle between Sutton and Wimbledon at Gander Green Lane ended up 0-0, a fine result for the home side, who are non-league. It was one that was lustily celebrated by the club mascot, Jenny the Giraffe, who was carrying an inflatable banana lest she get peckish.
What we didn’t know until the commentator told us was that this was a derby, the clubs located just five miles apart “either side of the A3”. A short trip home, then, for the Wimbledon faithful, unlike the Reading supporters who, according to BT Sport’s Ian Darke, left home at five that morning to make it to Old Trafford on time for their FA Cup ding-dong. And then there were the 8,000 Plymouth fans who had to make it to Anfield for their early kick-off, presumably having left home in November. Those who allege that the footballing authorities give a whole lot more consideration to telly viewers than those who have to travel sizeable distances to pay through the turnstiles might just have a point.
At least Plymouth’s pilgrimage was worth it. They got themselves a scoreless draw in a game so cataclysmically awful you half pined for Gander Green Lane. When the fourth official held up his board to signify that there would be six added minutes . . . by then you were looking at the heavens and asking: “You’re taking the mick, aren’t ya?”
“I’ve seen better FA Cup ties,” said Steve McManaman somewhat understatedly, the fella largely blaming Plymouth and their flat back 10 for spoiling the spectacle. But if that was Liverpool’s future on the pitch, Plymouth will probably win as many Premier League titles in the next decade.
Lineker’s sarcometer
You hoped for livelier at White Hart Lane. Half-time. “Well, that was thrilling: end-to-end stuff, goals, opportunities, I’m overcome with the excitement of it all,” said Gary Lineker, his sarcometer registering 9.6 on the Richter scale. 0-0. We were now closing in on 150 minutes of goalless Sunday football and divil a sliding tackle to behold lest a shinguard be shifted out of place.
One of the very few bright spots, really, was Daryl Horgan coming on to make his debut for Preston against Arsenal in BT Sport’s Saturday-evening game, the lad hellbent on attempting to make things happen with the bulk of his touches. No wonder he stood out.
Arsenal snuck it at the death.
“They took us by surprise with their level of commitment and effort,” Aaron Ramsey told BT after the game.
Head. In. Hands. Rest in peace, FA Cup.
