Roe McDermott

Roe McDermott

Contributor

Roe McDermott, a contributor to The Irish Times, writes a weekly column in the Magazine answering readers' queries about sex and relationships. A writer and Fulbright scholar with an MA in sexuality studies from San Francisco State University, she is researching a PhD in gendered and sexual citizenship at the Open University and Oxford

My partner wants to buy a house but I’m scared of living out his dream, not my own

Ask Roe: I have always been a bit lost career-wise and regret not living abroad when my friends did

Changing Gender by Susan Stryker: A work of extraordinary energy, hope and emotional force

Through the seemingly dry framework of grammar, the author takes us on an intellectually stunning and thrillingly alive journey

My in-law is so at ease with everyone else, yet so cold and dismissive with me

Ask Roe: There have been times I’ve driven home from family occasions feeling completely exasperated, wondering, ‘What is her problem?’

The Most Normal Woman: Essays on Appearances – sharp, funny and unsettling

The author is a witty, intelligent and perceptive guide to the increasingly grotesque work of having a self in public

‘Irish friend groups can be impenetrable – will I have the same issue when I move abroad?’

Ask Roe: ‘Am I wrong to think people in their mid-20s have little interest in making friends outside their circle?’

My boyfriend often drinks heavily and takes cocaine and I’m struggling to deal with it

Ask Roe: On the surface level, I find it disgraceful that my partner would get into this state

My wife won’t talk about our diminishing sex life – and I’m out of ideas

Ask Roe: I love my wife, she’s my best friend, but I feel unsatisfied with the intimate side of our relationship

My friends never pick up the bill and it’s making me resentful

Ask Roe: I hate the idea of becoming someone who counts every penny. How do I stop?

I always go for men who are ‘out of my league’. Can I change my attraction preferences?

Ask Roe: Can I change who I’m drawn to? I can’t help who I’m attracted to, can I?

‘Can a relationship still work without butterflies?’

Ask Roe: ‘Have I built something on a weak foundation? The fact I have doubts makes me worry they must be justified’

‘My sister has stopped putting in effort with me since she had kids’

Ask Roe: ‘I’m told to call over any time, but I’m starting to question the legitimacy of this apparent open-door policy’

I worry my sister’s lack of selfishness is damaging her health

Ask Roe: My sister volunteers to help anyone in need, even when she doesn’t like them that much. It’s heartbreaking to see her in constant pain

Flick by Kate Lister: Lively and funny deep-dive into the history of female pleasure

Lister argues that women have never been less sexual than men, but the narrative has been controlled with a firm male grip

‘My husband cheated on me with sex workers, blew up our family, and is now living his best life’

Ask Roe: Choices your husband made have no reflection on your worth, and are entirely a reflection on him

‘I’m married but have fallen in love with a woman at work’

Ask Roe: ‘Should I try to get counselling for our marriage, or just go with what I feel is right?’

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